Pretentiously Simple | Kleo ✔️

05 | saying it's normal (when it's not)

it was late at night now. neither leo and i called his parents to make sure mia was okay, or to inform them when we would get home. the truth was, i didn't know what to do next. i don't think he did either.

so for the past half hour, we just sat next to each other in the back of his car with the trunk up so we could sit and look at the stars. both of us were nervous, and unsure of what to do. i was worried this was going to ruin our friendship. and he was afraid he was going to ruin his relationship.

nonetheless, my head was planted into his shoulder, and my arms hugged onto one of his. his head was resting gingerly against mine, and his extra coat from the car was wrapped around my shoulders to keep myself from getting cold. i don't know why we act like a married couple, but we do. i don't know why our fights never last more than a minute, and i don't know why we've never held grudges for each other ever.

ironically, leonard dicaprio, the man who is the source of all my questions, all my concerns, is the same man who is the source to all my comfort. all my happiness, and all my love.

so while i was nervous, while i had no idea what to do or how to react, i could never hate him like i hated anyone else. i could only love him the way i love no other.

"darling, i really need to say something now." i said, moving my head away from his shoulder and adjusting myself so i could give him a proper glance. he moved his head to look at me, giving me his undivided attention.

even without the sun i could see his eyes shimmer the way they always do.

"okay," he replied, turning his body like i did. "okay, i need to say something too."

i looked at him like i didn't know what to say. that was because i didn't. i squinted my eyes, looking for a while, looking for something to say. once all else failed, i said the one thing that came to my mind.

"you do?" was all i had.

he chuckled carefully. "kate, please. there's so much for me to say. i don't know where to begin."

i blinked twice.

then i grabbed his hand with mine.

"start from the beginning." i told him.

he squeezed my hand tightly and began like he had access to all the words in the english language. like he was an author who had a way his words and could piece together phrases so eloquently and with poise.

so he began with a breath, and another hand coming toward my other one.

"what happened today, i want you to know, it wasn't just something i wanted to do in that moment. i don't want you to think i just did it because i felt like it, or because i'm leonardo dicaprio and i can kiss whoever the hell i want. i'm not that kind of person. and you're not that kind of person to me." he started.

there was no stutter to his words. no trembling or changes in his demeanor. it was as if he had written it down on paper, or like he was reading a script that he memorized from one of his movies. i gave him all my ears, and i listened carefully and intently.

"for the last thirteen years, every single time i got together with someone new, i would think about you. but you were married at the time, and you were a whole continent away."

for every reason and more, my eyes began to well up, and to this day i wonder how he didn't. as hard as it was to love him, it was even harder for me to hear him say he loved me too. had i known, i would've done something sooner. had i known, i would've moved mountains to build a life with him.

"i just want to say that whatever you want to do and whatever you feel is right is right with me. i don't want you to feel pressured into doing something because i wanted it. you're my best friend and i don't want to ruin it because of something i can live with." i could feel his pulse as he gripped onto my hands, the same hands that were so cold before became so hot to the touch. he was scared, and so was i.