Pretentiously Simple | Kleo ✔️

10 | a deep hole dug deeper

i had my stylist come over and get me all dressed up this time. it wasn't going to be too over the top, but i still wanted to look presentable for the cameras. i was expected to have a few interviews on the red carpet from journalists and then another professional interview after that. after the incident with leo, i was tempted to cancel, but i needed to be stronger than that.

i came in wearing a grey jacket with a black shirt and jeans. i realize now that i wear black more often than not, but i always thought the color looked quite nice against my pale skin and light hair. and because i was all on my own this time around, i dressed mia to come with me as well. i decided on dressing her in a comfortable silky gown i asked my stylist for. she had a few other options but i admired how the white of her dress contrasted with the black of my outfit. she had also brought a matching white headband that i slipped onto mia's small head. she was going to be the star of the show.

as for me, she didn't really do much with my face or my hair. i personally asked her not to touch up on my skin, only the underneath of my eyes where it was red and puffy from crying. i let her do whatever she wanted with my hair, and she ended up doing a bun with some loose strands she curled to emphasize my features. i ended up loving it.

i did my own makeup, applying some color to my lips along with some lip gloss, mascara, minimal eyeshadow, some bronzer, and blush. i saved about an hour doing it my way, and i just wanted to get the whole day over with. i knew from the get go that i was going to dwell a public event. i purposely avoided the internet for my own mental health, and so i had no idea what the paparazzi and the articles said about me next. since yesterday i've also been avoiding leo, and though he paged me a few times about wishing me well and a couple of other things, i put my phone down and pretended like i never saw them to begin with.

we pulled into the carpet in a black car and tinted windows. i held mia close to my chest, covering her eyes from the flashing of the cameras. as much as i didn't want her to be with me, i felt like i had no other choice. i felt like there was no one by my side, and it was just me and her against everyone else.

i opened the door and pushed past the crowd of people with a forced smile, trying my hardest to get to the carpet without being bombarded with questions that they felt required immediate answers. all around me, journalists asked questions from,

"what's your current relationship with leonardo dicaprio?"

to,

"did you have an affair with him and divorced your husband?"

i knew this was going to happen, and i tried my hardest to politely ignore the questions and rush my way past them. my publicist tried to calm everybody down but the crowd was much larger than usual. apparently the latest news attracted the whole of hollywood, and i had no clue in the slightest.

when i got to the carpet, i gave my publicist a shaky look, as she just assured me to keep breathing and push through. i shifted mia onto my hip and gave an attempt to smile for the cameras, something that was supposed to be what i did best. but as i walked from camera to camera and all eyes were on me, i felt vulnerable, attacked, and afraid. questions came my way that i left unanswered, and angry men and women with cameras and microphones began to scream my name repeatedly. i began to sweat, my smile began to feel like it was plastered on my face so much so that i couldn't move a muscle.

"kate!"

"kate!"

"kate!"

everyone yelled, screamed, hollered. i gave it my all to try and pretend like those questions weren't for me, but somewhere along the way i realized i wasn't strong enough to keep pretending. because my heart that was beating out of my chest felt like combusting, and my knees felt so weak i could barely stand on my own two feet, i gave mia to my publicist and walked over to the people with the cameras and the microphones, just like everyone wanted.