Pretentiously Simple | Kleo ✔️

12 | kisses on my forehead

after researching myself on my laptop, i started walking around the perimeter of the house with my arms crossed to my chest. mia was playing with her toys by the couch so there wasn't any need to bottle up any of my feelings. moving my hand up to my chest, i felt my heart beating as if i ran a marathon, and my lungs rising quickly up then back down like i had been deprived of air for hours.

my body was cold but i was perspiring, and my hair was messily tied into a ponytail with my baby hairs sticking about. in the moment, and it was true, i felt like i was alone in the world. like the only person i could count on was myself. there was nobody else but me.

realizing all this while realizing i turned my best friend away, that i was alone in a world so dark and frightening, i rushed myself over to mia, picked her up, and held her as tightly as i could make myself. i cried too much to cry again, but the effort it took for me to suppress the tears bound to escape was absolutely plenty.

but when i felt my daughter's stubby arms wrap themselves around my neck, my heart abruptly shattered into a thousand pieces. my body gave up its battle. and my eyes produced tears that was a stream down my face.

i've cried a lot lately. supremely more than average. but there were subjects i was touchy about, and this was one i was the touchiest with. i let my tears fall and i did not try and stop them. i fell to the couch and mia fell to my lap. as she hugged me tighter, i held her back. planting sweet kisses on her bare shoulder and smelling her baby scented skin.

i don't know how long i was going to wait until i could say enough was enough. but it was. i have had enough. perhaps i've been waiting for this to be over for only a week, but i've restrained my love for years. and while it was one thing to restrain my agony, it was another thing to restrain my love.

"mia, my dearest." i wept, resting my lip against her shoulder. i was trembling, my eyes and nose swollen and red, my chest often gasping for desperate breaths.

"mia, i don't know what to do." something about her embrace felt familiar, that i knew it all too well. as i cried, a darkness surrounding me, i couldn't take a minute to think, and not even a second. but as i felt mia's small lips press against my forehead, for a moment my breath stopped, instability disappeared, my eyes opened.

there was a maturity to her child-ness, an awareness to her innocence. it was if she was telling me something, and somehow i practically knew.

i watched her kiss my forehead again this time, her tiny smile lighting up in my face. i blinked once before i kissed her back, and in an instant i understood what i needed to do.

—SUMMER 2001–
...

it was the beginning of summer, and the day prior something horrible happened. i was alone and i didn't know what to do. there wasn't anyone i could go to and nobody who would really care. so i phoned the one person i knew would, because he told me i could despite the time and despite the circumstance.

i dialed the numbers to leo's phone, the numbers fresh in my memory and had been for almost five years. waiting through the ringing impatiently, i tapped my fingers quickly against my thigh. it felt like eternity, but he picked up in an instant.

"leo?" i sniffled.

"kate?" i heard on the other line. and i let go of my breath after hearing the voice i could count on with my entire being. i blinked away the tears that threatened to pour down my puffy red face. i swallowed the cracking of my voice before it even had time to crack.

"oh, leo, it's really horrible. i'm so sorry for bothering you, i...i just don't know who else to call." i managed.

"what's wrong?" i heard him say in a comforting, concerned voice. i told him everything.