Pretentiously Simple | Kleo ✔️

21 | perception vs. reality

as i sobbed into the cloth of my sweatshirt, it was very much known that i was tired of the united states and most certainly tired of the world around me. i perilously opened my laptop yet again to search up the contents of news articles under my name. much to my dismay, new articles were being written every few hours, although none of them were remotely close to the truth—yahoo suspected we were having a secret affair, while the washington post thought we had been together for years. paparazzi pictures of us on the yacht were uploaded at different angles, and pictures of us when we were newly separated. i tried to look away at the images of him after his departure, but there was a luring quality that made looking away even harder than saying his name aloud. this quality needed to be approached cautiously, and as i did not, new tears were shed as a consequence.

mia was in her cot all safe and sound; little snores escaped her opened mouth as living proof. with some tissues in my hand, i dabbed water from my cheeks and blew my red congested nose.

a few days ago we were reunited and happy, envisioning a life and planning our future together. today, i was alone, weeping in my sorrows and woefully biting my chapped bottom lip.

i pressed a few keys on my laptop aggressively, scanning through files i could lay my hands on simply because i had nothing better to do. scripts, passwords, unanswered emails. all things of which carried no significance, all things of which were profoundly unimportant that encompassed my laptop entirely. photos of mia held utmost importance, and videos that accompanied them made my sniffles perish like a summer breeze. the laugh of my child warmed my heart to gold and filled it to the brim with joy.

in a video of her just short of a month old, my daughter lied on the ground with a striped pink blanket beneath her. it was i who held the camera to her chubby little face, my voice that mimicked a child's attempting to force a laugh out of her.

"you're so adorable, my mia honey, aren't you?" i say, sticking my hand out and reaching for her underarm. like a ticklish feather, my fingers ran quickly against her skin, a giggle fleeing from her stomach full of my breast milk. i laugh along, moving the camera closer to her little face as my hair covered the screen to give her a big kiss on the nose.

"yes, you are." and she really was.

the video came to a close, and i searched through some more files to disengage from the current events. old videos with my mum and dad, videos with friends, with siblings, cousins, co-stars. this worked for a while until it didn't. that is, until i clicked on a random file that made my heart stop in terror. because i was wrong to think i could get away for just a minute. i couldn't get away no matter how hard i tried.

it was a random file: just as random as the one i clicked on previously, and just as random as the one i clicked on before that. but this file wasn't the same as the others, as on my screen was a video of leo and i on the set of 'revolutionary road.' ty simpkins, the little boy who was playing our son, held the camera with his small hands and asked us silly questions with his high pitched voice.

"do you guys like the movie so far?" i distinctly remember this part, as it was only about a year ago. leo and i were sitting down on a one person couch, a script in his hand we were both reading from. we look up and smile for the camera; he gave a little wave and set the script down on a nearby table.

"we love the movie, don't we kate?" leo eyed me, to which i nod my head in response.

"of course we love it. though i hate working with this one." i point to him and roll my eyes, eliciting a giggle from ty. i watch as leo pulls me closer into a side hug, understanding the joke i had made.

"i hate working with her too! she gives the worst kisses!" he responded with more humor, earning him a whack to the shoulder with my opposite hand.

"quit pretending! you love my kisses!" as i watched that moment replay before me i awkwardly cringed inside; i was married then, and he had a girlfriend then. though he capitulated with a sigh, and i instantly remembered what he would say before i watched him say it.

"you're right. i do."

and with that i closed my laptop forcefully and threw it to the side of the couch i was lazily sitting on.

i was right about something else, too.

i was indeed trapped, despite however many attempts i made to escape.

—ONE YEAR AGO—
...

"you're right," he said, and my gaze filled with warmth as i looked at ty. "i do." his innocent announcement to the camera, pointing to my gently rounded belly, was a precious reminder of the joy i was about to share with the world.

"by the way! for the people in the camera, there is a baby inside kate's belly and so yesterday we had a party!"

i couldn't help but chuckle, my fingers lightly tracing leo's hand as it rested on my stomach.

"you're very right. thank you for mentioning that to the camera."

it had only been two days since i'd discovered the life growing within me, and leo had been the first to know. i had worried about sam's reaction, but perhaps leo's swift knowledge was simply because he was the one i longed to share this news with most. it made perfect sense, especially now that he was the one that organized an impromptu celebration—not me, and certainly not sam.

leo's hand on my belly sent a wave of affection through me. i returned his touch with a gentle squeeze, knowing that he shared my excitement and would embrace this new life as if it were his own.

"are you excited?" leo asked, ignoring the camera that loomed nearby. we conversed exactly how we did back when we were merely children, our happiness making the camera fade into the background.

i smiled, my eyes gleaming with hope. "excited, nervous, but mostly excited," i admitted, envisioning the beautiful future that lay ahead with sam and our impending arrival. it was a life i could truly embrace, a life that everyone dreamt of.

leo spoke with a touch of drama, breaking the silence with a pause that hung in the air. "you know, we've talked about this all the time," he began, his words carrying the weight of our countless conversations about our dreams—acting, settling down, having children. "we're there now."

memories of our aspirations flooded my mind. we had always wanted to pursue our passion for acting, but i also longed for the simple joys of settling down with a loving partner and starting a family. the image of a beachfront home where i could wake up to the soothing sounds of seagulls and the ocean's embrace flickered in my mind. it was in that moment, prompted by leo's words, that i realized we were already on the path to making those dreams a reality.

"we really are, aren't we?" i replied, my voice filled with awe as i absorbed the significance of our journey.

leo's gaze met mine, his eyes reflecting the depth of his emotions. "how does it feel?"

i paused, savoring the moment, and then replied, "quite alright."

but i couldn't resist asking, "and you?"

leo looked up briefly, then down at my stomach again, his expression a mix of contemplation and determination. "like there's still so much more I want to do."

and though i was loathed to admit it, there was still so much i wanted too.

—PRESENT DAY—
...

i got up from the couch, storming off to find my bag that i threw somewhere on the floor. once found, i picked it up and fished out a pill of ibuprofen, downing it with nothing but my own saliva. then i rubbed my head tirelessly yet tiredly, my endless headache seeming to be infinite and forever.