After the Eventide

ill-effects of a foregone romance

at war with my heart, it's a constant battle I deal with every day
I've been running from everything behind—it's a price I had to pay
yet, I've got nowhere to hide from the shame you left for me to face
you're off the hook, but I'm left with repercussions that won't erase

as we're distant from each other, a heart falls apart at the seams
realizing how it kills me that you'd only show up in my dreams
debating whether starting a conversation can heal us two,
or it can only prolong this tormenting feeling of rue

as my teacher had said, don't put your reputation on the line
a facade can only be kept by a terrible person; it's the bottom line
at home, you'd make a scene, and I'm just a part of your show
waiting for the time, I can say that this mishap happened long ago

if the chapter is closed, why are we writing between the forbidden lines?
we've cut ties, yet a dozen times, we're circling around the warning signs
helplessly trying to forget everything until it doesn't phase me anymore
and when I'm a burden to your life, is it often too much I'm asking for?

I only existed to offer you everything I could until I emptied myself out
you were dismissive of how I feel; everyone is following your narrative
all they see in me are the negatives, as they view you with the positives
a wish I have is help from you to get rid of the ill-effects of our fall-out

the night proceeds as I distract myself till the horrid days fade into thin air
eyes filled with despise from a distance, looking at me with a heavy glare
I hope ruining my name is worth your time, letting them think it's my fault
it's nothing new, hearing that I'm the problem has always been the default

I'm amused by how I tell my friends we've gone on our separate ways
yet, cleaning up the mess is still on my shoulder as it heavily weighs
a heart still longs for what it always wanted, and it shouldn't be you
while a mind is hazily confused about deciphering what is real and true

often trying to silence oneself when inevitable hindsight is playing
unlike you who don't struggle with it since it isn't you who's hurting
detaching myself amidst the ill-effects you left for me to go through
whenever we tear apart, I'm left alone, and there's nothing I can do

overanalyzed previous encounters up to this present time, and it all stings
received 3 missed calls from you, it's a good thing my phone didn't ring
woke up from messages with words telling me you're under the influence
what more do you want? you've already acquired my family's affluence

trying not to ignite a commotion in front of my family, yet you began the fire
everyone around me thinks they have seen it all while caught in a crossfire
insinuate that it's my fault, that it's because of a problem of mine, not ours
in their eyes, you're a saint, while I suffer from third-degree burns for hours

a new state of mind now that I carry on with my day without your company
a matter of acceptance—forgetting the days you were there to accompany
I'm doing things differently; on my own I run errands, unlike before
disposed of our photos back when I was the one you looked out for

receiving messages from you asking me to go back to the way we were
I'm ignoring them, even if I wonder if a day of seeing you again will occur
you can't fathom that there's no use in recovering a bond that is done for
save your breath since I couldn't care less now that I'm not yours anymore

as the sudden rain drops, does a bygone circumstance comes to mind?
do you recall the time when we were stranded from the heavy rain?
a strong gust causing our skin to shiver as I held on to you, my lifeline
still, we made it home, unlike today now that our relationship ended in vain

a rose with thorns my fingers touch when I turn a blind eye to your pride
this forgiving heart waits for the day that its resentment will subside
if I wander off to somewhere I have to go, it might be at your front door
unlearning every habit, every norm I developed back when I was yours

when I ask myself if there is a ghost of a chance for another try,
I can't tell if I would utterly wish for my answer to be a lie
I answer without hesitation that I've made up my mind this time
however, the answer isn't constant—it changes from time to time

wasn't it you who mentioned that it was the two of us for life?
or was it only a statement I should've perceived as a lie?
despite being uncertain of the duration it'll take, I'll take the long way
yet, it's a few steps back when I'm wanting to see you for another day

every so often, I can't help that my heart still longs the way it used to,
yet a part of me hates the way you treat me—how I'm a puppet one can lose
when the sky is pitch-black, it shows proof that I can't fully relinquish
perhaps, someday these ill-effects of a foregone romance will diminish

as long as we're exchanging words, a tussle sees the light of day
I'm held captive by your phrases, yet you can't fathom that thought
ever since then, you never listened to the sentences I ought to say
a bitter pill to swallow is that time heals what reasoning cannot

if it helps to curse the hell out of me, I'd just let it slide
lacking remorse, you neglected the details coming from my side
but to persuade one is to not outburst such profanity
don't you see you only hurt a person who treated you as a family?

not acting your age, you always have a way of ruining it for everybody
as you get away with it, an image of a disciple is what you embody
I'm only a pawn for you to play chess with, then you throw away
luring me into another trap after the skies for you had gone gray

a chain reaction of impulsiveness reflects in the choices I make
a void needing to be filled continues to exist due to a heartache
getting an outstanding score from a paperwork that's only about you
deriving pleasure out of my own suffering after a world away from you

a rope falls in this place of a pitch-black abyss I currently belong
whenever I write about the hardships you inflicted and I tolerated
in pieces of paperwork, the subject written is often you for so long
looking at the silver lining from facing the problems you created

you only remember the thought of me from time to time,
but with me, ever since, you have yet to leave my mind
as I watch another season come closer to an end,
I wish that someday a heart will know when it'll mend.

one heart is showing signs that it won't recover, while the other is guilty
it's been 3 weeks, yet we're still living off each other's minds rent free
despite emptying my regrets to zero, I still can't seem to find a remedy
the repercussions are starting to fade, yet my heart still lacks tranquility

Darling, little did I know that you and the world can be a little too unfair
expected a romance to last more than it did; weren't we a good pair?
providing care and responsibility for each other when one is bedridden
yet in the end, I can only depend on myself as such sorrow stays hidden

a wise person reminded me that "all good things must come to an end."
an old and true saying, yet one's heart finds it challenging to apprehend
with a chapter closed, one side of the story remains left unsaid
against all odds, I'll take all the time I need while hanging by a thread