After the Eventide

a result of my codependency

playing video games till my mind forgets and my eyes turn bloodshot
building one's hopes up to pursue, a footnote you never cared to jot
when I'm abandoned—an incident I can't control, yet you don't care
despite so, having you from the beginning was an answered prayer

as your birthday gets closer, I won't get you anything to keep it even
if come hell or high water you stood by me, you know I won't be leavin'
since we've resulted in misfortune, you know how to let me down
as the old saying goes, "what goes around, comes back around."

transported to a moment that once occurred back in the days
seated in the bus, I peeked by the window, and it was clearly you
as relentless hope struck my heart, I thought I saw your gaze
agonizingly, it was only a relapse I fell for that I had to get through

ever since, I've wanted to spend the rest of my lifetime with you
yet, why do I regret the time that I spent with you?—I'm in blue
in terrible weather, you were there in every strike of a thunder
just how it's unpredictable, it's similar to us whenever we asunder

letting someone yearn for a long time—a feeling disguised as love
often you end circumstances in a blur; conflicts are left unresolved
in the midst of chasing pavements, a heart is left with questions
always being the one to get hurt, even with my best of intentions

when hindsight plays, I notice how taciturn and heedless you are
sometimes, you'd deny an instance, and we'd let things go too far
you won't listen to what I have to say, an approach you're used to
would you give me an assurance if I ask you, who really are you?

giving my all every time I have to change this helpless ending
keeping up with your facade and forgetting it's heartrending
as tears well up, you left me all alone in a state of uncertainty
then, you'd be coming back like this is how it's supposed to be

in retrospect, a retry should be forbidden; now I'm back in hell
should've known from the start that with us, it won't end well
pulling threads for the third time, we never learned to part ways
nothing new, even with all the written metaphors and the cliches

it's still the same old cycle, even when we reconciled thereafter
one sorry is all it took for a fool like me to give a second chance
experiencing the highs, seeing your grin, I'm locked up in a trance
a misunderstanding arose again, and you disappeared right after

devoured every little leftover piece in me until everything was gone
yet again, meeting the brink of failure, and I'm back to square one
opening drawers to find my medicine as you vanished in a heartbeat
as I stumble on photos of us on my phone, in an instant, I hit delete

it was easier when the two of us existed just to teeter on a seesaw
and when you quiet my resentment, I'd wait for it to begin to thaw
with new rendezvous, you still hurt the one who loved you the most
I have myself to point a finger at, for once more keeping you close

picked me up after your shift, ignoring the fact we had grown apart
seeing you after months—subsequently replacing fury with laughter
locking onto those narrowed eyes over again is to be sought-after
conforming to your long-desired company only led to a broken heart

do all these dates we went on a few days ago mean nothing?
a result of my codependency should at least mean something
wasted my efforts in resurrecting a love that I needed to restrain
with a snap of your finger, you let our bandaged bond end in vain

now I've felt what it's like to be beside you for one more time,
each day with your absence is only getting harder to get by
perhaps, a fortunate and better ending will arrive in due time
if only it were like a movie, we wouldn't have to say goodbye

if a figment of my imagination comes true,
it would be possible for me to look at you
—the same way I have always loved to do
like nothing changes as we pass through