After the Eventide

new year's eve

a little somebody from the past in the class still has their ways
actions filled with vengeance, sneaking you behind their photos
coming from a shadow to be entranced by them with a few praise
I'm not yet accustomed to being known for my passion, I suppose

in a round of chess, your nemesis will lose its secret weapon
before you get to hit checkmate, they'd lose all their pawns
while I desire to relinquish, it'll be a mark of victory in no time
look at how the tables turn, hope it happens again sometime

the lack of empathy you own overflows in ripples till it's evident
your heart is at ease while I'm wretched, staying in its element
left emasculated from your actions, never did it torment you
you're the type of beloved who'll leave one questioning in rue

you're the type who ends a phone call first after the farewell
the type who strays—doesn't care when things don't end well
shifting the blame, vicious actions are justified as I tolerate
the repercussions of your ill-doings, I gain its heavy weight

for every ten plans I create in a month, you only contrive one
remembering an event that'll slip your mind, consider it done
being the only one who keeps promises and makes invitations
it's enough to leave me rapt in wonder and sustain our relations

and if you begin to like somebody else, you'd keep it furtive
although a secret never stays hidden, it'll cover the news
yet, an old beau has no other choice but to be supportive
if I ever discover it, you won't still admit to it, won't you?

time and again, you rarely meet me, and to you, it doesn't matter
'tis a miracle that a heart is pounding despite starting to shatter
I'm full of torment, yet it's invisible to your eyes as I counter-fight
I'm still believing in better things since hope springs eternal, right?

and as I yearn to grasp onto the person I've lost battles to,
in this upcoming new year's eve, I won't be longing for you
as opposed to what occurred—the last year when I had you
I was hoping for a second to talk, yet you left with an excuse

once the clock strikes midnight and a fresh year unfolds,
I'm telling myself not to get caught up in trivial affairs
as I swear by my wish, I pin hopes on what this year upholds
they're opening champagne while I bid my resolutions upstairs

you were my haven, yet here and now, I won't return home
in your ravishing world, I used to dissolve myself in to roam
starting a clean slate while I scour the past off of my skin
still, I ponder what it feels like to belong to a city you live in

once I meet someone better, the reflections I had I'll try to recall
I won't be anyone's option or a person one can easily fool to fall
if I encounter a new soul, I won't be enthralled by squinting eyes
when my efforts begin to be unrequited, I'll leave out of despise

in a sorrowful tone, "I might not be the one you love anymore."
you may not be the one I live life with for years and forevermore
if we hadn't met, I'm uncertain what my existence would be
fueling my codependency, wanting to be still your responsibility