After the Eventide

the heart of the city

I. the beginning of a voyage to the city

after you've moved to a new city, departed out of our suburban town
recently, I've traveled kilometers to the city as I escape my hometown
third-wheeling by the side, espied how they looked out for each other
gracefully, a heart is envious—reminiscing when we had one another

a little discourse to kill time about when they ended up together
given up a seat for his significant other to take out of devoir
eavesdropping on how his partner is weakened by the heat
still, safety is assured since a helping hand is beside his seat

a comparison of where they used to be to where they are now
these kinds of conversations recall a person I used to know
after all the heartbreaks, they managed to cross paths somehow
a deja vu feeling springs to mind, that I can only forget to let go

the bumpy road causes the bus to quiver while I'm by my lonesome
hearing a narrative of their past, a reminder of how far they've come
reminiscing about their sentiments before arriving at their destination
we were no different, yet at present, we're running on low expectations

on my way to the city you moved to, a few hours away from home
decreasing the kilometers we are distanced by, yet I'm on my own
this is the closest I could get near to you, but we're still far apart
a preview of your likeness is seen in the nightscapes—imitating an art

II. the nostalgic memories I've buried at the back of my mind

we've built a world where the two of us can exist at the same time
in a room, a photo frame of our portrait is hanging for a lifetime
always genuinely doing favors without wanting anything in return
yet in the upcoming months, it resulted in an unfortunate turn

reinstate every foregone memory I had buried at the back of my mind
—bedridden at the hospital, you took care of me when I was confined
suppressing the feeling of yearning, giving my all not to take you back
trying my hardest to cope despite relapsing, the night stays pitch black

getting Chinese food, sitting on the floor of my room as we eat our food
making the most out of every second, minute, and hour we are together
if it's a day with you, spending it unproductively won't be a misadventure
after deciphering an occurrence of conflict, we would reconcile our feud

III. the drive in, through, and out of the city where you belong

mesmerized by the city's ambiance with its buildings and lampposts
I asked myself, "why was it you whom a heart had longed for the most?"
while looking at the road signs, we reached the Friendship Street
since the town doesn't have what the city has, I wouldn't miss a minute of it

'bottoms up'—a night consists of champagne, whiskey, and wine
ran around in circles as I tried to figure where to draw the fine line
walking over thin ice, recklessly dispatching those tiny bubbles
just to defy my tears filled with resentment from these troubles

the distance between us increases as I drive on the freeway
we were a few miles nearer, yet now I'm a thousand miles away
the feeling of abandonment continues to grow out of the blue
as the voyage is ending, the eventide progresses without you

IV. the "it was all in my head" part

in my head, you'd look for me in every corner of this enormous city
you don't humiliate me in front of your many friends and my family
if I told you about the present ill-effects, your eyes would show pity
you'd start to feel remorse and retrieve me out of this despair, gallantly

a wise knight and a better person than when I had you before
thinking of taking responsibility, you'd knock at the front door
held in your hand is a rose—hoping to never meet its demise
after months of longing, there comes an unanticipated surprise

between the words are filled with fiction a heart uses to fool itself
even if missing you is irresistible, rekindling a flame seems wrong
only I'd feel agitated, negligent, and losing respect for my old self
It'll be the mark of a self-betrayal; the grievances exist to prolong

V. the ending of a voyage as I walk my way back home

on a dismal alley, I walk while thinking about how to rectify our fate
a mad expression lives on my parent's faces as I get at home late
silence is heard all over the ill-lit street by an aggravating noise
the moon continues to gleam for a crestfallen 21st-century boy

as I fathom that perhaps the city needs you more than I do,
a heart conjures all the reasons why it's the other way around
kneeling on the side of the pavement, envisioning a future with you
palms are touching the road, heads down, as tears fall to the ground

teetering on the edge of the bridge, I often set my intuition aside
seeing how all that mattered to you was saving your own hide
in facing a crisis, you never thought about the cost of damage control
as you didn't shield me from the outcome, it left a hole in my soul

sleeping alone in a room that used to be filled with your shadow
in the bathroom, a towel is hanging by the rack for me to throw
dicing on this illicit game where there is no way for a player to win
gambling all I have in my hands in this game of saving your own skin

little did I know, you've been visiting the town on days you were free
— yet, you spared no effort to come and visit me.
in a room, a photo frame of our portrait shatters on its landing
"when will I have it in me to forgive?" is a question that I'm asking

and when I finish my literary pieces, you'd own another hand to hold
a new world to build, a new page to fill as I watch it distantly unfold
meeting someone identical to you is more complicated than it seems
perhaps, you are more irreplaceable than what the heart has deemed