Limits and Heartbeats

Kabanata XIV

Parang uod na binudburan ng asin si Ralf habang nakahiga sa malambot niyang kama. Kanina pa siya palipat-lipat ng puwesto at panay tingin sa kaniyang cellphone. Nagusot na rin ang kulay puting sando na suot niya.

While searching for the most comfortable spot on his bed, the notification sound of his phone rang out in his ears. He immediately turned his body to his left and grabbed his phone. For an unquantifiable time, he checked his phone again. The light coming from his phone illuminated a mile wide smile on his phone. He wasn't wearing his glasses for an obvious reason, yet his eyes, which were as radiant as crystal, glinted in the light.

Napabuntong-hininga na lang si Ralf nang malaman ang dahilan ng pagtunog ng kaniyang cellphone. The smile on his faded, and a pout of disappointment took over its place.

“Gc lang pala,” he huffed and slammed his phone.

Simula nang umuwi siya ay hindi na siya mapakali sa kakatingin sa kaniyang cellphone. Nasita nga ito kanina ng kaniyang ate dahil nakalapag lang sa mesa ang cellphone niya habang kumakain sila.

He couldn't forget what Drei had told him and now, it's driving him crazy. Kahit sa pagkain, pagligo, at pagpasok niya sa kuwarto ay parang sirang plaka iyong naglalaro sa isipan niya.

“I'll just send a message if I've already made up my mind.”

If Drei could only see him right now, he would tell him how ironic his behavior was. He's acting now like a teenager who just got a kiss from his crush, but a few years ago, he was so mature, or so he thought, that he built a wall Drei couldn't climb.

He rested his head on top of his calloused hand as he gently pressed his back against the bed. He faced the ceiling and watched the shadows of the fan's blades perform a dragon dance. He followed the clockwise rotation of the blades and let his thoughts drift.

Baka hindi talaga interesado si Drei na sumama kasi andoon siya at mali ang iniisip niyang handa na iyon para kausapin siya—kahit pa iyon ang sinasabi ng mga nito kapag nagkakatitigan sila. Naisip niya ring baka masiyado niyang minamadali ang pagdedesisyon ni Drei. Martes pa lang ngayon at sa Sabado pa ang selebrasyon. Dapat sana ay mas matagal siyang maghintay dahil alam naman niyang hindi basta-basta kung gumawa ng desisyon si Drei.

Ipinatong niya ang isa niyang kamay sa tiyan niya saka napapikit. Napagdesisyunan niyang mas mabuti sigurong itulog na lang niya ito. Ngunit bigla siyang napamulat ng mata nang muling tumunog ang cellphone. Kaagad niya iyong kinuha.

Hindi pa niya nasisilayan nang maayos ang screen ng cellphone niya, pero parang sasabog na ang dibdib niya dahil sa magkahalong kaba at tuwa.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at napanganga nang tuluyang makita ang nagpatunog ng cellphone niya. Ilang segundo lang ang lumipas ay mariin siyang napapikit at hinigpitan ang paghawak sa cellphone.

Bigla niya iyong hinampas sa kama at napasigaw nang paulit-ulit. “Putanginang gc!”

He felt the world had turned its back on him. But after a minute of shouting and cursing, he laughed. He knew he was overreacting. And if the group chat wasn't really important, he could have muted it or just archived it. Of course, he didn't want to miss the late-night announcement that most of his older colleagues loved to do.

*****

Ang araw ng Huwebes ang isa sa mga paboritong araw ni Ralf sa isang linggo. Sa mga araw kasing ito, hindi niya kakailanganing magdala ng bag at kung ano pang gamit dahil isang klase lang ang mayroon siya. Pagkatapos nito, kung wala na siyang ibang gagawin sa trabaho, umuuwi siya kaagad sa kanila.

It's been two days since he went tremendously insane waiting for Drei's message, but until now, he has received none. He dusted off his manic hope and buried it under his pillow last night, yet it kept bugging him. Until now, while walking under the scorching heat of the sun with his black automatic folding umbrella, surrounded by students who were busy talking about their nonsense lives, he's been hoping that Drei would message him if he was going or not.