Limits and Heartbeats

Kabanata XVIII

If there's a place that has a big room in their hearts, it's Tim Tam's. But what they shared in Tim Tam's was tainted by hatred and regret. The last time that they ate here was when Sir Olorvida invited them. The atmosphere was so immense, emanated from two different polarities—vengeance and hopefulness.
 
Now they're here again to start anew. They were laughing while talking about how cruel and stupid they had been to one another in the past few months. Drei would feel embarrassed about how he indirectly told Ralf to move on and how he would cry after saying hard-to-swallow words to him. How he still cared for him. Ralf, on the other hand, told Drei how many times he had to remind himself to stop giving meaning to his actions. That everything was just for show, and all he ever wanted was to avenge himself.

“Pero dati iyon,” saad ni Drei saka nginitian si Ralf na nakaupo sa harapan niya. “We'll start again.”

Sumalamin sa mapuputing ngipin ni Ralf ang liwanag na galing sa labas nang ngumiti siya. Inayos niya ang kaniyang salamin saka kumuha ng isang hipon at inilagay iyon sa kaniyang plato. Hindi puwedeng mawala ang ang garlic butter shrimp.

“I never thought that I'd enjoy eating this again,” saad ni Ralf saka hiniwa ang hipon.

Kumunot ang noo ni Drei habang umiinom ito ng tubig. “What do you mean?” Ibinaba niya ang baso saka hinawakan ang kutsara at tinidor niya. “Noong binilhan kita nito noong na-ospital ka, hindi mo nagustuhan?”

Napailing si Ralf habang tumatawa.
“Gusto ko. May halong gulat din iyon kasi hindi ko inaasahang bibigyan mo ako. Masarap siya pero,” he gritted his teeth, “pero may kulang. Sa tuwing kumakain ako, naaalala kita. At tuwing naaalala kita, nag-iiba na ang timpla. Hindi na siya tulad ng dati.”

Nauunawaan iyon ni Drei. Lahat ng maaaring makapagpaalala sa kaniya tungkol kay Ralf ay pilit niyang iniwasan noon. Kahit ang pagkain ito ay hindi na rin niya sinubukan pang tikman.

“Pero ngayon, kahit araw-arawin ko pa ang pag-ulam nito.” His shoulders shook as he laughed.

Drei watched as he laughed and how it turned into a smile. The way his cheeks rose, the slow movements of his lips, and even how his eyes twinkled. All he could see was Ralf. There was an energy, a warmth, radiating from Ralf. And when Ralf put his hand on top of his, there was a continuous application of heat, and if he were water, he would surely reach his gaseous state. He smiled, and that was the sweetest and only response that he knew at the very moment.

“But I will never let you do that. There's a high amount of cholesterol in shrimp,” Drei said and smoothed Ralf's thumb with the pad of his. “It's bad for the heart, at ayaw kong may mangyaring masama sa puso mo.”

Unti-unting natabunan ang liwanag na nanggagaling sa labas nang may pumasok sa loob. Kaagad na napawi ang mga ngiti sa labi ni Ralf sabay tanggal sa kamay niya at itinago iyon sa ilalim ng mesa. Their number one rule since then, no one should know about them.

Mula sa mga mata ni Drei, naglandas ang paningin niya sa taong papalapit sa kanila. Sinundan ni Drei ang mga mata niya saka napalingon ito sa likod nito.

Si Shamille.

Ngumiti si Ralf bilang tugon sa pagngiti ni Shamille sa kaniya, samantalang si Drei ay nagtataka pa rin kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay nagtatampo pa rin ito sa kaniya. Lumagpas ito sa kanila pumuwesto sa bandang unahan nila.

“Hindi pa rin kayo nagpapansinan?” tanong ni Ralf nang mapansin niyang hindi man lang sinulyapan ni Shamille si Drei.

Drei heaved a sigh, and glanced at Shamille. “Nag-uusap naman kami. Pero hindi na katulad nang dati.”

Hindi alam ni Ralf kung umamin na si Shamille kay Drei, pero mukhang hindi pa. Knowing Drei, kahit na halata na masiyado na may kahulugan ang ginagawa ng isang tao sa kaniya, wala siyang iisiping iba hangga't walang sinasabi ang taong iyon. He already mastered that part of him and he has now became numb.