You weren't just a star to me. You were my whole damn sky.

Chapter 15 (you stink!)

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm lost. Not physically, physically I'm laying on my bed but mentally, mentally I'm stuck in a ditch with no way out. I'm so stuck and I'm loosing hope. I've lost my mates. The only people that were supposed to be there for me and who are trying to be there for me but I can't.

I can't forgive let alone forget what Natalie did and every night I can't get Rose's screams out of my head. Or maybe they're my screams.

Both of my mates have tried to contact me. Natalie came back but left just as quickly. I don't really know why she left, she walked into my bedroom, saw me laying on my bed with a puke bucket next to me and myself wrapped up in blankets and then left. I mean I can't imagine I look all that good right now but yikes.

Does anybody know a good place to work? Because I feel useless here although I don't think I'm in the right state of anything to do anything but you know, fuck it.

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"Get your ass up!" Rose comes barging through the door making the door bang on the wall behind it.

I tilt my head up a little causing the pounding in my head to get worse. I attempt to open my eyes but only end up opening one and even there, I can't really see because I'm squinting so much.

"Can I help you?" I ask in a very rough and dry voice. That's what happens when you don't drink anything for almost a week. Stay hydrated kids!

"You need to get up and clean yourself up." Rose says stomping over my way.

I finally manage to open both of my eyes only to see a very angry Rosalie in front of me but a very concerned Natalie behind her.

"Fuck off."

"Excuse you, look at you Amber, this is no state anybody wants to be in. Now get up and get cleaned up!" This just makes me angry

"Does it look like I can fucking get up right now? Let alone fucking clean up?"

Rose looks at me then everything around me and frowns. She touches my forehead with the back of her hand and frowns more.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Since the day I ran out on you guys."

I close my eyes again but my bliss was short lived because soon I felt a decently strong slap against my cheek. I look up and see Natalie there frowning. With what little strength I have I reach up and slap her back. Granted it wasn't much of a slap more like a tap but at least I did something.

"Enough both of you! Now, Amber, we're going to get you up and into a cold shower so that your fever can go down and then you'll take some medication to keep it down, ok?" I ran Rose's words through my head a few times and then realize what she said.

"No"

"No? The fuck you mean no?" Natalie asks taking a step forward

"I mean no"

"And why are you saying no?" Rose asks picking Natalie back behind her

"Because I'm not getting in the shower with either one of you."

"Ok well sucks because we're not watching you die." Natalie bites back

"Ok well sucks because you already did that!"

"Just GET UP!!!!"

"just GET OUT!!!!"

"ENOUGH!!!"

We sit there in silence for a few minutes. I don't want to get up. I want to lay down. I want blankies and pillowies.

Ok I swear it's the fever talking

"Come on." Rose says slightly grabbing my hand. I shake my head and burry myself back into blanket

"Look I'm going to have to see it one day, if not today then another but I'm going to end up seeing it. Why not rip off the bandaid?" Rose says softly climbing into bed with me and making me a little spoon.

"Because..." I feel tears gather in my eyes. Why am I about to cry? I don't know! That's a good question.

"Let it out" Natalie whispers getting on the bed as well in front of me though and making sure not to touch me.

And then the tears start. And continue. And keep going. And they won't stop. Why won't they stop? Fuck you body stop crying. Ok this is enough. No? No? It's not enough apparently. For hells sake.

"It's ok. Can I hug you?" Natalie asks, I shake my head no but move a little closer and lay my head on her shoulder.

We sit like this for a long while just thinking and holding each other. I am nowhere near forging Natalie but this is a step in some direction at least

"Ok lets go you stink!"

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