Existential

Chapter 5

**
I walk out of the salon with my new turquoise hair with Tyler next to me. This kid actually isn't as bad as I thought. He's surprisingly a lot more tolerable than most of my friends, except for Josh and Pine. I'm surprised I can actually relate with him because we're from two opposite worlds. Not only does he thrive in a different social group than I do but he has a different family life too. I could say I'm envious his parents are around all the time and interested in his life but I don't know if that's the kind of life for me. I think I was built to be alone, with a couple friends with me. I do have a good time with Tyler. He's easily to talk to, personable, funny, and pretty easy going. I guess I judged him too harshly before. I can't help but feel guilty. I'm the reason his two or one year of work is gone, except for those 6 songs. I wish I didn't do that, it makes me feel terrible. I also feel really bad for Tyler, that notebook must have meant a lot to him. I can see him now in a different perspective than before. I never really noticed the details of his physical appearance, it shows how distressed he is. Tyler has purple under his eyes, random scars scattered on his arms, veins faintly show under his tanned skin, and he basically looks like he hasn't slept for days.
"Tyler, what's wrong?" I suddenly ask him without thinking it through. I'm just a nosy person I suppose.
"Huh? What do you mean?" He replies and slows our pace in the middle of the mall.
"I mean those random scars on your arms, the purple bags under your eyes, you just look like a wreck. When did you last get a solid night's rest Tyler?" I question him and move so I'm standing directly in front of him. I can see him tense up and he shifts his eyes from mine to anywhere but me. "Tyler," I mutter after a few moments of silence and gently push his shoulder.
"It's nothing. I slept last night," Tyler mutters.
"It's not nothing though. I know what those scars are from and you were up last night when I was walking to the park. Now tell me what's wrong. You've helped me and I want to help you." My voice gets louder as I continue talking and Tyler continues to be tense.
"I've got no purpose Alice. I have no purpose to be alive right now," Tyler mumbles and I instinctively wrap my arms around his waist. I rest my head on his shoulder and I feel him tentatively wrap his arms around me.
"I'm gonna help you find your purpose." I mutter over and over. I'm happy he told me but I'm also incredibly sad he feels this way. I believe everyone has a purpose here, I just need to help him find his. Eventually we let go of each other but I link my arm with his. Physical contact usually helps me a lot when I'm in distress so I'm assuming it might help him too.
"Let's go back to my house. I'm going to give you some lessons on making yourself feel better," I smile up at him and hope what I have planned will work.
**
"Do girls seriously put this on their face?" Tyler asks me as he holds up the green tea detox mask from Sephora. I nod before grabbing the package from him and taking the mask out. I let it drip over the sink before pushing Tyler into one of the recliners. I gently place the mask over his face and pat out any air bubbles. He grimaces from the coldness but I'm used to it by now.
"Okay, keep that on for at least 30 minutes. Sorry it's so cold," I explain to him then exit the living room to go back to the kitchen. I prepare my favorite smoothie and while the blender is going I grab my phone from the island. I haven't checked it since yesterday so it's probably all messages from my friends asking where I am.
Pine: Where are you?
Josh: Tyler is gone today too in case you wanted to know.
Pine: You better not be with that Tyler guy
I roll my eyes at Pine's overprotectiveness before putting my phone down to tend to the drinks. I pour out the contents of the blender into two separate glasses and carry them out to the living room. I place my drink on a coaster and hand Tyler his drink.
"You look really funny Tyler," I stifle laughter at his appearance as he tries to drink from the glass. Once he realizes he can't really move his mouth enough he glares at me from under the green fabric.
"Rude," he says and tries to find where he can put the glass down. I take it from him and place it on the closest table before checking the time for him.
"You've got three minutes mister," I say and sit on the couch closest to the recliner. I continue watching the clock as it ticks away and it's finally time for Tyler to take the mask off. I get up from the couch and walk in front of Tyler. I lean down and grab onto the sides of the mask and slowly take it off of him. He squints his eyes as I take off the final piece that was on his nose.
"There you go Ty," I mutter and throw the mask into the mini trash can I set out here earlier. He thanks me and moves his arms to wipe off his face but I grab his wrist. "No, you can't do that. You have to let it sink in Tyler." I drop his wrist onto the arm rest and hand him his drink.
"This is a lot of work for something that's supposed to get rid of stress," Tyler points out and I shrug.
"I could make you take a bath but that'd be a bit awkward," I laugh and sit back down on the couch. I drink from my glass until its empty and set it down on the coaster. I wait until Tyler is done with his drink before getting to what's important right now.
"Wanna build a fort?" I offer him and Tyler smiles. We get up from our various spots and I gather up the blankets from the closet near the entrance of the living room. We place various chairs in the form of a rectangle and lay duvets on the top, stretching between chairs. I line the inside with cushions and place layers of the thickest blankets on the floor. Once Tyler finishes placing in the final pillow I turn on the television.
"Put whatever movie you want on and I'm going to get some red bulls," I announce and swiftly exit from the room. I open the fridge and pull the silver cans from the cool area before closing it. I can see Tyler sitting under the fort with the opening credits for Dirty Dancing on the large screen. I toss him the drink before sitting next to him and wrap one of the blankets around both of our shoulders. The physical restrictions of the blanket force both of us to shuffle closer to be comfortable and warm. Tyler's arm rubs against mine each time he brings the drink to his mouth. I drink from my red bull and can feel the caffeine burn through my veins as Jennifer first meets Patrick Swayze. I limit my squeals as I marvel over his dancing abilities and how his partner moves freely.
"I love this movie," I mutter, more to myself than Tyler. He chuckles as my eyes widen like a kid on Christmas morning when Patrick begins dancing with Jennifer for the first time. I admire the movie and change my facial expressions in accordance to the scenes. I can tell Tyler is watching me gawk at the movie more than admiring Patrick Swayze's grace. I brush off the oddness of the situation and continue watching. The movie draws to a close with the famous dancing scene with Patrick and Jennifer finally completing the lift and I let out a small yelp of excitement. I quickly clap my hand over my mouth at the sudden noise and glance at Tyler to see if he noticed. When my eyes meet his dark brown orbs I quickly snap my attention back to the credits. I suppose he had noticed. I don't know why I cared if he had noticed or not, I've gotten far past keeping up my façade around him.
"I need to check my phone," I declare and get up. I place the excess blanket in Tyler's lap as he watches me get up. I leave and gather my phone from the kitchen. There are a few messages that are new and all are from Pine.
Pine: You better not be cheating on me
Pine: Call me as soon as possible
Pine: Hurry up
I gather up my courage before tapping on the little phone icon next to his name. The last time Pine was mad at me ended with me crying with endless amounts of chocolate and sappy movies. He apologized soon after and I accepted it, that's the type of person I am. I glance around as the phone rings and tap at the granite under my fingers. Eventually his deep voice cuts through on the other end of the room and I prepare for the storm.
"Where the hell are you Alice?" He sneers and I flinch as Pine audibly stammers curses waiting for my response.
"I-I'm with a friend," I stammer out and await his response which is most likely to question me on who this is. I fight off answering him until his tone eventually makes me scream Tyler. I guess this brings him to rush into the kitchen and I see the look of concern flash across his face. Pine screams over the end of the phone, accusing me of things I didn't do. I feel tears brimming on my waterline as one of Pine's remarks cuts through me.
"This is why your parents are always gone and have nothing to do with you," whatever Pine says after this goes into a blur and that sentence plays in my head. I sniff and rub the back of my hand across the bottom of my eyes and I feel a hand press against my back. I look up to see Tyler looking down at me sympathetically and can't help but lean into him as Pine continues screaming. One tear rolls down my face and Tyler wastes no time to brush it away with his thumb. One of his arms wraps around my waist and he continues to support me.
"Why don't you ever hang up?" Tyler mutters into my ear.
"I don't want him to be mad," I mutter back and realize it can't get much worse than it is now. Most of what Pine is saying sounds more like a blur anyways but I know it contains every insult he can muster.
"He's already mad. For no real reason," Tyler mumbles and I shrug. If I ever say anything I know it'll get much worse for me and Pine. I don't really want that, this has been one of my longest relationships. We've had rough patches and Pine gets paranoid sometimes which leads to things like this but there's not much else wrong. But then again who am I to say I know what a good relationship looks like?
"Are you even listening?" Pine suddenly asks and I sputter out a yes as Tyler tenses his arm. Pine continues yelling and slowly brings his voice down to a normal level. "I ought to see you at school Monday." He hangs up. I check the duration of the call and it lasted well over 45 minutes. I sigh and rub at my eyes once more.
"He sounds charming," Tyler sneers as he unravels himself from me. I feel a bit empty and needy once Tyler's warm grasp leaves me to clutch onto the cold surface of another red bull. I take note of his (presumably) favorite drink for future reference. Will there even be another time? I wouldn't mind it but I'm sure Tyler would feel out of place. Surely he would, I'm just some crazy chick that he probably felt he needed to help. I let out yet another exasperated sigh and get the sudden craving for alcohol. I most definitely couldn't drink while Tyler was around, he'd kill me.
"Why do you even date him anyways?" Tyler's question sparks my mind. Pine was a constant in my life, I've known him a good while and he knew almost everything about me. The only people who have seen the depressed side of me have been Josh and Tyler. Pine was comfortable to me, but so was Tyler and Josh and pretty much everyone I speak to. I shrug and settle for a very simple straight forward answer.
"I like him," I mumble and Tyler knots his eyebrows together. His hands play with the hem of his shirt once again and he juts his lip out as he thinks.
"I guess I'm not in the place to question your statement," Tyler settles and grabs his drink before striding back to the living room. I marvel what has just happened in the past hour. I drink my newly opened Sno-berry Peace tea in the solace of the kitchen while the echoes of the TV filter in. I tap my foot in frustration over the situation before pouring the rest of my tea into my mouth and throwing the can into the bin. I walk out to the living room and see the fleeting scenes of a Batman movie with Tyler sitting in the fort.
"I'm going to need you to cuddle the fuck out of me or something right now. I'm stressed as hell," I announce to him as I pull my hair into a bun on the top of my head. I almost forgot I got it dyed recently today. I smiled at the memories of Tyler making quite the fool of himself in the salon as I waited for my dye to finish. Tyler just smiles up to me from his spot on the ground before I crawl down and practically lie on top of him. He wraps his arms around me and I rest my head against him. I adjust so I'm sitting upright in his lap so it's more comfortable. My back is pressed to his chest as I play with my bangs that fell out of the hairband and Batman fights some random criminal. I don't really follow this franchise closely and the only thing I know is the Joker and Batman. Disappointing, I know. Tyler rests his head on my shoulder when the scenes go more in depth. Eventually I let my hands fall to my sides and settle for resting them on Tyler's hands knotted against my stomach. I can feel him jolt at my touch before instantly relaxing and continuing to watch the movie. I let my mind drift as I lose interest in Batman as his raspy voice speaks of the Joker again.
Tyler was the one thing I could really think about right now. In comparison to Pine, Tyler is the best person ever right now. Honestly Tyler has only ever done one bad thing to me while I had done countless to him. Yet here I am with Tyler in my living room, with his arms around my waist, with my hands on his, and I sat in his lap. A lot has changed since I walked past his brightly lit room with vodka in my hand to the park. My lips tug down as I think about the reason I was there and shake my head slightly as if it will rid myself of the thought. I lean my head up to Tyler and see him already smiling down to me. I return the grin and we sit there for a few moments just looking at one another. I snap out of his chocolate brown gaze and glance my eyes away. I feel Tyler tighten his grip on my waist and I look back up to him. I rest my head back on his shoulder as I anticipate what will happen next.
"The movie is over," Tyler mumbles as we continue to have this unannounced staring contest. I nod at his comment and hope that I figure out what to do in this situation. I suppose I should let him off to his house or his mom might get concerned.
"Let's get you back home Ty," I mumble back and unlatch his hands from my waist. I see his smile falter for a second as I crawl out of his lap. I stand up and hold my hand out to him to help him get up. His rough fingers grasp onto mine as I heave him up and escort us to my front door. I open it and Tyler leads the way out of the house. We walk down the sidewalk I was going down at 3 am last night, again the memory makes me flinch. I think Tyler notices this as we walk and intertwines his fingers with mine. I instinctively lean into him and we eventually find ourselves in front of the house. He leads us to the front door and, after rattling the door knob, knocks on the door. Soon his mother opens the door and smiles at him before realizing I'm standing beside Tyler.