Existential

Chapter 18

Zack returned with Tyler's heavy navy blue blanket and handed it to us. Tyler wraps the material around the both of us and keeps his arm around my waist. I rest my head on his shoulder let the blanket warm my freezing body.
I explained the most I could to Mrs. Joseph. Or at least the watered down story, with less drama and less details.
I had destroyed something that meant a lot to Tyler. He got so upset that I left and went to my house. Then the next day at school he had been flirting with this chick Jenna right in front of me. Then we had been rude to one another during class. That was really the last time we spoke. Until last night when he called me and was really upset. So I came and got him and took him to my house. Then we went to iHop this morning and when we walked back someone called me. I think they were in my house so we rushed here and that's all I had to tell her.
She nodded along, sometimes glaring at Tyler, then looking back at me and her features softened. She waited until the end of my rambling to finally speak.
"Well, Tyler, let me give you some advice for the future. No matter what a girl does, especially if you love her, you can never act that way. I don't care if she burns all your clothes, you tell her it's alright and you'll buy new shirts. Material items aren't worth the same as a girlfriend," Tyler's lips turn down and he averts his eyes to the ground. He nods as if in agreement and Mrs. Joseph looks at me.
"Dear you really haven't done much wrong in this situation. You've tried your best with him and as his mother I can say that boy is definitely a handful. You've tried your best and I can't ask you for anymore. But try to not destroy anything else alright?" I nod in response and Tyler tightens his grip around my waist. Eventually Tyler's mom leaves after making sure we don't need anything else and Zack returns to the kitchen and goes on his phone. Tyler and I settle more into the couch as our shivering subsides and the blanket warms us. He keeps his arm around me and pulls me closer into his side. I rest my head on his shoulder and watch out the small window as small white flakes drifted down.
Eventually Tyler and I decide to go to his room and I sit on the edge of his bed. He had disappeared somewhere in the restroom across the hall so I had the blanket tucked around me. Tyler had added a few things to the walls of his room. There were drawings, mediocre, but still had a slight creepiness to them. Knowing him he probably made them at 3 in the morning when all he could focus on was a pen and paper. Other papers that were taped up had been random phrases. One paper just had the word cathartic in bold and was the only thing on the paper. I think we learned that word in our English class before finals. Before I could analyze more of the organized chaos Tyler returns to the room.
I watch him as he moves through the room towards me and suddenly get a pang of sadness. It randomly hits me that Tyler could have been dead right now. I would have woken up to maybe a few missed calls and trying to call him back. Maybe it would be on the morning news that local high schooler was found dead in the river only minutes away. I would know that it was Tyler and I would not handle it well.
Tyler settles next to me on the bed and takes some of the blanket over his body. His fingers smooth over my cheeks and I look at him from the corner of my eyes. His brown eyes stare at me and his lips part slightly before he speaks.
"Why are you crying?"
I sniff in response and that question only makes me feel worse. I choke back a sob before burying my face in Tyler's chest, wrapping my arms around his neck. He holds me and his hands run circles into my back.
How am I supposed to explain that I was wondering how it would have felt to know he was dead?
God, I don't even know how him simply walking into the room sparked all this emotion.
However before I even stop crying Tyler's phone begins to vibrate and the song Pretty Little Girl by Blink-182 begins playing. He reluctantly unwraps his arms around me and walks over to his phone. I watch as he checks the caller ID, sends me a sympathetic look, and walks out of the room.
So now I sit alone, wrapped in the navy blue blanket and tears running down my face. After a few minutes my body gives in and slowly moves to lie down. My head rests on his pillow that smells strongly of chocolate and mint. There is a small hint of lavender and that bothers me, Tyler never smells of lavender. I ignore any bothersome thoughts relating to Jenna and my eyes drift closed.
I think I had slept long enough to dream. Most of it was the feeling of falling and the sounds of the beach. The violent crash of waves and sometimes I'd get flashes of visuals from last time I went to the beach. How the waves tossed me under the water and I feared I would ever breach the surface. Water is truly violent. That was my dream, or nightmare, falling and the flashes of waves and sounds of water.
I woke up to Tyler sighing as he sits on the edge of his bed. My eyes were only open to observe through my eyelashes. His hands were tangled in his hair and he stared at the ground. His breaths were shallow and fast paced and he never even blinks. It takes a few minutes until he turns to me and Tyler brushes the hair out of my face. I open my eyes more and his brown eyes train on mine.
"Do you want to sleep?" I ask him but he shakes his head.
"Mom is making some food for dinner and I want you to eat with us," he explains and I smile before nodding. A yawn escapes my lips and I slowly sit up.
"What we're you dreaming about? You were tossing around quite a bit," Tyler questions, concern obvious in his voice.
"It was nothing," I tell him. "I didn't even dream."//hey guys it's like 3 am but I'm really excited for the next chapter it's going to be really cute and I'm really hyped.
Also for anyone who wants to know, I stayed in like for tøp for 15 hours. I got a fast pass and we all stayed in the stairwell since the doors to the pit weren't opened yet. Then eventually we all got in and I got barricade which was amazing. Then tøp had come on and Tyler said "I talked to Josh after the second song and I said this feels like a dream we once had. So thank you for being part of our dream tonight," and I was fucking sobbiNG. Tyler was so appreciative and eventually compared us to hometown once he said Phoenix was one of his 3 favorite stops on the tour. Then I waited outside the venue for almost two hours and had access to M&G but my mom made us leave before the boys could come out. So that's sad but still I had an amazing time ((other than being yelled at by some tøp fans from their car that I 'look hot tonight' while walking to McDonald's after the show alonE))