Existential

Chapter 12

The past two months have been filled with visiting Tyler at his home, studying for our first semester finals, avoiding my parents, and drinking a lot of tea. It's gotten drastically colder as it nears Christmas and the snow has begun lining the sidewalks. It's very beautiful to watch from indoors but once you go outside its a living hell-more accurately a frozen hell. I've never been accustomed to the drastic winters in Ohio. The extreme cold still surprises me and torments my thin clothes.
Tyler and I have yet to go on an actual date. That's mainly because my parents have been home for the past month and a half. They've made it more difficult for me to sneak out, since they've put a security camera in the back. They're afraid that people steal from our backyard garden that's hardly maintained. I think their excuse is bullshit and they're just trying to see how I escape. If I want to leave I have to wait for the both of them to leave and I have to come back at 11 pm once they're usually asleep. Thankfully once it's winter break they're leaving once again. Just one more week and I can go shopping for all of my friends.
I sit at a different table since I broke up with Pine. It consists of Lynn, Tony, Chris, Andy, and Brandon. They're an odd combination of people. Everyone contrasts one another, the only people similar in personality are me and Josh. Lynn is an open lesbian and very chill. Tony is super quiet and has an odd obsession with Star Wars. Chris is a stoner but he can rap which is really cool. Andy is kind of an asshole but he's very protective of our group. Brandon has a severe stutter so he doesn't talk a lot but he can play guitar. Tyler sits with his friends table which is in the opposite corner of the cafeteria. It's pretty much some of the only time we don't see one another.
Tyler still hasn't found out who burned his lyrics but I feel like he's going to soon. I always get this growing tension inside me when he's near my binder, where those 6 songs are. I feel like one day he's just going to pull them out and then hate me forever. Which would be devastating to me, but maybe I'd deserve it. I did ruin his whole 2 years of work on purpose. Maybe I do deserve his hatred in the future.
I groan when someone's bag hits me in the shoulder as they pass by my desk. I look up at the perpetrator to spot some girl with a ginormous handbag. I roll my eyes and turn back around in my desk. I wonder what's taking Tyler so long? The bell rings and the teacher still hasn't shown up, as usual.
"Oh Alice? She's getting soft. Now she's all buddy buddy with Tyler. I'll doubt she does anything." A shrill voice from the back of the room speaks. It's as if she doesn't know that other people have ears and that she can control her volume. I smile and turn in her direction, it's the handbag girl.
"Excuse me but uh maybe you should mind your own fucking business before I arrange for something to happen to your hair-" she strokes her dyed brown locks,"and your handbag you oh-so-politely rammed my shoulder with." Her mouth hangs open and I turn back to face the front.
"Well at least I'm not a two faced bitch with daddy and mommy issues!" She shrieks and I jump out of my chair. I swiftly turn on my heel and walk directly up to her desk. I look her in the eyes as I slowly lean forward until our noses are touching. I grab the fabric on her shoulder and she quivers slightly under my touch.
"You should keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you. Leave me, my friends, and Tyler alone." I let go of her shirt and stand straight. She and the rest of the class gawks at me as I return to my seat. Right as I sit down the teacher comes rushing in.
"Ms. Alice there is something outside you may need to attend to," his voice rushes out, stumbling over words. I slowly rise out of my seat for the tenth time today and walk out of the classroom. The teacher closes the door behind me and I look around the hall. I spot a slumped figure leaning against the wall about ten feet away and I shuffle forward.
"Hello?" My voice echoes slightly in the empty hallway. Once I get about 3 feet away my breath hitches in my throat. I cover my mouth and stumble slightly backwards and fall down to the ground. Pain lurches through my torso from the impact but not in comparison from the pain of what's sat before me. "T-Tyler?" I whisper and slowly crawl over next to him. I lean on the wall next to him as his eyes droop half closed.
"Alice? What are you-" Tyler's voice is scratchy and he begins coughing. I rub his back as his coughing gets worse until he finally stops. He leans back on the wall and stares at the ground.
"Tyler," I breathe out and slowly run my fingers over the side of his face. His skin is littered with purple bruising and red cuts along his cheekbone. "Who did this to you?"
"No one." He whispers and continues staring at the ground. I sigh and try my best to gently turn his face towards me.
"Well you certainly didn't do this to yourself," I respond and push his hair off his forehead. I sigh as I take in the full damage that's just on his face. There's bruising under one of his eyes and there's cuts along his cheekbones. Purple dots along his jawline and a cut in his eyebrow. I quickly look down to his hands and roll up the sleeves of his sweatshirt. His bruises look a lot like mine. There were purple bruises around his wrist from someone grabbing him and all over his arm. Tyler pulls his hands from my grasp and rolls his sleeves back down.
"Tyler let me look at them," I plead and try my best to gently pry his fingers from his sleeve.
"I don't want you to, don't you get that?" He suddenly yells and I flinch from his sudden anger. I place my hands in my lap and stare down at them.
"Okay," I mumble and we sit in silence. I really want to know who could have possibly done this. The only guy I can think of is Pine but he's not really the type to get physical with someone. Why did that girl say I had mommy and daddy issues? I've never even talked to her before.
"Why won't you tell me who hurt you?" I ask, trying to keep my volume low.
"Because I don't want to okay Alice? Plus it's not like I asked you to come out here and fucking interrogate me. Leave me the hell alone!" He yells and I flinch at the end. I can feel tears brimming in my eyes and I look at him. His eyes lock with mine and his features immediately soften.
"I'm sorry Alice. I just-" I shake my head and stand up. The tears begin rolling down my cheeks and Tyler stares up at me. I turn on my heel and walk in the opposite direction of my class. "Alice come back, please."
"Leave me the hell alone Tyler," I imitate him and continue walking down the hallway. This is definitely not how I thought my day would go. I brush the tears off my cheeks as I near the restroom. I push open the door to the empty room and stare at myself in the mirror. I rub the mascara off from under my eyes and splash cold water onto my face. I sigh and turn the water off and pull my jacket sleeves down. I really don't want to go back to class. I walk out of the bathroom and begin wandering the empty hallways. I avoid the area Tyler is siting in and I wander until my legs hurt and the bell rings. Students spill into the area and I rush to my class that had my backpack in it. I push through people and finally reach the classroom. I open the door and grab my bag. I'm just about to leave again when Mr. Whatever his name is calls me to his desk.
"Yes?" I ask as I stand in front of the wooden structure.
"Tyler wanted me to tell you that he's sorry and would like you to still come home with him today. And Alice for what it's worth, that boy literally drug himself in here for me to tell you that. Whatever happened out there, he was desperate for you to come back."
I nod and walk out of the classroom. Thoughts swim around my head as I head to the cafeteria. Maybe Josh will know what to do. It takes me 5 minutes to find the blue haired boy and when I do I'm beyond surprised. Josh has adorned similar injuries to Tyler. What the fuck is going on?
"I don't know his name but I know what he looks like." Josh says once I had pestered him for the past 10 minutes.
"Okay then let's go get a yearbook." I sigh and grab Josh's hand. His fingers wrap around mine easily as we push through students. We eventually get out to the hallway and begin the walk to the library.
"Yknow the same thing happened to Tyler," I mumble and Josh nods.
"I know. He told me," Josh whispers grimly and my lips flatten into a straight line. I quicken my pace and we eventually get to the doors of the library. I push it open and drag Josh behind me. They have all the yearbooks near the front, I just need last years. I find the stack of books and pull out the one from the top. I hand it to Josh and sit at the nearest table. He flips it open to the Juniors section and he starts to analyze every photo. Five minutes pass as he goes through each page looking at every male student in the book. Josh runs a hand through his blue hair before finally looking up at me.
"That's it. That's him," he whispers. I look down and stare at the face. I can't fucking believe it.// hey sorry it took me so long to update. I had literally no idea how to write this chapter. I'll see you guys in a few days though
Stay alive
~Kirsty