DEVIANT HEARTS| HEESEUNG

22- Caught In The Dark

HEESEUNG'S POV

I was four years old when I was standing at my father's funeral.

I watched from nearby, they stood in front of the funeral. Everyone's heads were down. Maybe it was them showing respect or maybe they were too afraid to look at what was coming. The coffin was pulled from the hearse by six strong men, all wearing suits. The silence dwelled as we entered the church. It wobbled as they carried it to the front and gently placed it down.

The coffin was dark stained cherry and it was perfectly polished. It had a cushioned and silky lining. It seemed inviting. It was good to know that at least my dad was resting in a comfortable place.

I held my mum's hand the whole time. She wiped tears onto her sleeve and rested her hands on my shoulder, but I didn't know why she was crying when I thought that was the main reason for my pain. She was the reason my father was lying in that coffin.

I tried to keep t it together until they passed a picture of my father to everyone while the press and media kept taking pictures of us, and that's when all memories came flooding back like a dal wave.

My father's face in that picture seemed so alive and happy and small that I couldn't help but wonder what I looked like under that closed wooden box. I stared blankly at it hoping that a miracle would happen and he would rise again and come back to the world, come back to us.

But nothing happened.

He was gone.

It's crazy how things can turn upside down for me. He sees my father every day and suddenly, they're gone and when they go, a part of me goes with them too. Who knew where I was going to end up if there even was heaven? He liked to believe that place was inviting and calm and there was nothing but good in it.

My father that day died from a heart attack, after catching his loving wife cheating on him, in his house and on his bed. I had spent most of my days in my father's office whenever my father was not home or in the library that was attached to it. I waited for my father until he came back, most of the time late that day. My father has promised me that will visit a new bookstore in town and he will come home before.

But guess what, life had other plans for me.

I stood there watching my father, slide down to the ground clutching my heart in pain in my own office after finding out about my wife cheating on him.

It wasn't the first time she cheated, I saw it several the past with numerous men. She was the type of woman who cared about herself and her money not even her blood.

After the death of my father, Adrik was assigned to rule my company in the l turned 20 years old, my legal age, and when I did, I managed my father's company until I was admitted.

During my childhood, got games and other things I had no use for. Then they were gone, another "father replacement" leaving my life for good. Then I would wait for the new one and be the good boy I was expected to be. When it comes to my mom, her job was to ignore me completely, I was raised by the maids and the caregivers. I was the heir of the Lees Enterprises.

Not after a year before the death of my father, I woke up and felt thirsty. He needed some water to drink. I didn't hear feet shuffling behind me. I was too busy finding a glass of water in the dark. Not only had power going out, but I had managed to walk face-first into a wall. I grabbed the glass of water to drink and finally did not feel thirsty before I came back to my room to sleep.

Once upon a time, a monster sneaked into my bed.

I opened my mouth to ask who it was when my lips clamped down on my ears. They were light at first, and then the person bit down harder. I had squirmed against the wall. The teeth turned to a tongue. It slid over the rim of my ear and caused me to cry out a bit. I had cried a lot. Two hands slid down my sides and landed on my body. The hands roamed and roamed until my tears dried and my heart closed shut.

I didn't know what to do. I was a little boy, but who will? I hoped that it was a cruel joke, a dream. I knew I would be bad. The monster took an angel's innocence, not caring about my mother or my age. I was an angel at least that is what my father told me. I was an angel once.

I thought at first that if I told my mother about my assault, she might save me. She had to. She was my mom after all right? But her reaction wasn't to my expectations, abused me by telling me such a thing. No one would believe me if my mother didn't. She had abused me, she did not believe her own only son. 

As the memories showed in my mind, sleep refused to consume in my cell.

I couldn't sleep that night, I kept just changing my status from one corner to another corner of my cell. The dark consumes but sleep runs away from me, it appears it has divorced itself from me. I'm sleepless.

Sleepless, how unfortunate.

The cold moves in only to meet the warmth of my blood, my defense against such ice. I feel it wash over my skin, again and again, only to be met by the beat of my heart, again and again. Eyes that won't close. A heart that won't stop breathing. The dark space is endless in my spaceless prison. I wished to drift away into a never-ending dream, but dreams are only a memory in my hell of reality.

I simply wish to sleep.

And that's because of her, I need my injection.

Athena was named after a goddess. The goddess of wisdom and warfare.

The same goddess that I don't understand myself around her, I never understood myself anyway. But, she makes it worse. Worse than anytime before. She wants to push me to get the best out of me, I won't let her. I push people away because I'm afraid I might not heal again- I never healed. I will make sure to push her away and paint my walls so bad she can't recognize me anymore.

She might be named after a goddess, but she was like a flower. A burned one. While holding her, it lightens up the world around you. Then it starts burning and hurts you- burns you and leaves you in ashes. And when finally it goes off everything is darker than ever and all you are left with is ashes and smoke. That's what she was.

She doesn't believe that I am a monster. She should know that whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process she does not become a monster. But I'm afraid she will become one too. I won't let her be one.

It was like 1:am in my cell, I still hadn't found my right mind to sleep or take a small nap. l let my mind flow, and trying to make myself fall into slumber, I took as deep breaths as I could, but many just caught in my throat, like an icy wind had blown down there and managed to freeze them solid. At that moment, I knew it was going to be a long night while it was already.

I glanced down at my bed, there was nothing in the notebook Athena gave me that session.

She gave it to me, she thought of me.

In no time I begin to draw lines on those white cold pages, while my cold heart inks my heart out on it. It has been a long time since I didn't touch a pen.

Whatever I was doing, it made me relax somehow.

And I liked it.

Clutching on my notebook, my eyes became heavy as they began to close, allowing the night and soon-to-be day, to wrap me with its blanket, drowning me in a dark long sleep.

.