One Hundred Sleepless Nights

3

Before Sam could even wake up this morning I was out his door. We only got back to his place at 4am. We only fell asleep around 7am which means I got four hours sleep. I was still late for work this morning, rolling in at 12pm instead of 11. Noel can't really say shit, I'm saving his ass by being here last minute. Plus I needed to stop for coffee before I got in. Not that its helping, its 2am and I'm completely exhausted already.

I only have one more hour and 12 minutes of this shift to go. I have 12 more minutes with customers, and one more hour of cleanup. Personally I'm excited for the no more customers part of the night. There isn't anyone in the bar right now anyways, most have filtered out onto the streets or are on their way home with someone they met tonight. It makes me a bit jealous.

The door opens, making me sigh a little. My goal was to get through this last hour without seeing anyone, no matter how unrealistic it is.

I turn around ready to greet the person but instead abruptly stop as I see who it is.

"Jaime." I say , my voice a mix of confusion and happiness. I didn't even know he knew I worked here.

He smiles at me, but its not his usual smile. This one is unsure - wavering. He wants to break into a full smile, I can see it, but he doesn't know how to act right now. Its been so long since we've seen each other that he's nervous as hell. 

"Hey." he says, his voice quiet. 

He doesn't say anything after that, we just look at each other as an uncomfortable silence comes over us.

"Do you want a drink?" I ask, trying to diffuse the awkwardness if that's even possible.

"Yeah, that'd be great."

"Jameson? Splash of orange juice?"

A slight smile flashes across his face. "Exactly."

"So what brings you here?" I ask as I prep his drink.

He gives a half shrug. "I used to come here before we started touring."

"Oh?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. I can't lie, l I'm disappointed. I thought he was here for me.

He looks around the bar, keeping his hand balled together in front of him. He nervously keeps running his thumb over his knuckles. I doubt he's even aware he's doing it

"I knew you worked here." he says suddenly, turning back towards me.

I swallow hard, grateful for the music masking the sound of it. I put his drink in between us, a barrier to keep our awkwardness and lingering regrets at bay.

I expect him to say more but again he doesn't follow up with his sentence. Instead he takes a long sip of his drink.

"You blew me off the other day." I say to him.

"Yeah, I know." he says while glancing away. "I got nervous."

My lips curve up in a smile. "And you think I wasn't?"

He shakes his head. "No way, you've never been nervous in your life."

"I have! Remember when we went to that amusement park when I was like, what, 18? That stupid rollercoaster you wanted me to go on, The Dragon or something? I was so nervous to go on it."

He laughs now, a genuine Jaime laugh. It feels great to hear it.

"You still went on it, though." he points out.

"Only because you threatened to leave me there if I didn't go. I couldn't drive at the time, you were my only way out of there."

"You got your license?" he asks.

I never had a great driving record. Jaime taught me when we were younger in a car he had just bought with money from one of his first successful gigs. I didn't know what I was doing at all, the second my foot hit the gas pedal we went from 0 to 60 in seconds. It went better from there but I was never the most confident or cautious driver.

"I'm 26, of course I have it."

He shrugs. "Public transportation does the job, especially here."

"Well I only moved back here two years ago." I say.

He stares at me, unblinking. For a second I think I've said something wrong or misheard him, but before I can ask he opens his mouth.

"I... You lived an entire life since I saw you last." he says, his tone upset.

"Yeah." I say swallowing hard again. "Well, its been a long time. We both moved on."

He scoffs. "Moved on?"

He looks upset now, I'm not sure if its more anger than sad or vice versa. The longer those words linger, the more it looks like anger is winning which is something I really didn't want. Especially considering I'm the reason we haven't spoke in years. I know he's thinking it right now.

"I should probably go." he says suddenly.

My heart clenches in my chest. I fucked up. I had him here and we were laughing and I fucked it up by not selecting my words carefully. 

"Jaime, I'm sorry." I say quickly before he can leave.

He shakes his head. "Alia its not you. I just, I thought it would be like nothing changed, but everything has."

"Jai-"

"I'll text you, okay?" he says and then without even waiting for an answer, he turns and leaves.

I can't believe it. I've been dreaming of this moment for years, of finally seeing him again, both of us older now and more mature, willing to put the past behind us to be like we were before. And I messed it up just like I always do.

When will I learn?