One Hundred Sleepless Nights

22

Jaime's place is obviously out of hand by time I get there. I expected as much, these guys party and they party hard.

I think the most surprising thing about these parties is the music they play. Its never music from their own scene. Lets be honest, nobody is getting blackout to songs like Sleepwalking or Bulls In The Bronx. So they turn to the mainstream party shit, from rap to just good ole pop. I remember back in the day walking into a tour party and having Rihanna play and it threw me off guard so much.

My stomach twists a little with each step that I take. I know I saw Jaime not even a week ago, but this time he sent me a text asking me to come over so we can talk about what happened. He said he didn't want to go away without addressing it otherwise it would never get spoken about and we'd awkwardly move around it for years. That was my original plan yet here I am standing outside his house..

"Alia!" I hear my name shouted over the music.

I turn slowly, my heart pumping twenty times faster than usual. I can feel my breathing get heavier as my nerves increase. There he is. Standing by the sliding glass door, an unshakable grin on his face. It calms my nerves a little.

"It is so good to see you!" Jaime shouts as he gets closer to me.

His arms reach out to me, welcoming me in without a doubt. I let myself relax into him, his familiar scent filling my nose. I forgot how good it is to be near him. Smelling him is a nostalgia that I never knew I could feel.

"I missed you." he murmurs into my hair.

"You started drinking already I see." I say with a laugh.

Jaime's always been the happiest guy ever and that pretty much triples when he's drinking. It's cute, though. Everyone becomes his friend if they weren't already.

"I have, but I'm still really glad you came." he says while letting me out of his embrace.

"I'm glad you texted me." I say.

He takes a swig from the bottle of alcohol he's holding. "Alright, lets talk about it."

Jaime's never been one to shy away from confrontation because he doesn't see it as confrontation but more as solving a mutual issue. For him its us against the issue rather than us with the issue. Its something I've tried to work on over the years as well but its not an easy thing to do.

"Here?" I ask him, gesturing to the front door that we're standing near.

He shrugs. "Why not? Everyone's out back anyways, I was inside waiting for you."

"I don't think thats fair, you've already had a drink to numb this conversation." I joke, trying to take the seriousness away from this conversation.

"I... I shouldn't have cut you out." Jaime says slowly, ignoring my previous comment. "It wasn't the right thing to do. Wasn't the mature thing. Its not an excuse but I was younger and just not thinking smart, I was thinking selfishly."

"No, I was thinking selfishly. You needed me after the funeral and I was out hooking up with your best friend. It was just the easiest way to forget about the pain, I wasn't thinking at all." I say, regretting my actions that day so much.

"We were both going through it." he says. "I just ...I saw your actions as a betrayal, I guess? I didn't care about you and Chris being together, it wasn't about that, it was more about you both finding comfort with each other and I was alone. I felt left out and like I had to deal with all the grief by myself."

My heart pangs at the pain he was feeling at the time over my stupid actions. Actions which I'm not proud of. Actions which I regretted as soon as it was over. And yet I couldn't have undid it even if I tried. So I tried to cover it up but Jaime had caught us afterwards and it was just a giant fucking mess.

"I was always there." I say to him. "Just I wasn't processing my pain, I was distracting myself. I wasn't able to work through it like you did."

"I think a big part of me distracted myself with anger towards you." he admits. "It was never your fault. Okay, yeah, you shouldn't have slept with my best friend an hour after the funeral, but I get it now."

"You get it? Like at the next funeral you'll sleep with my best friend?" I joke trying to lighten the mood.

He gives me a little shove, a grin on his face which reveal his dimples.

"You know what I mean." he says with a laugh.

"I am sorry." I say solemnly. "These past years have sucked."

"Me too." he says. "And yeah, they have. But I was hoping we could put that behind us and be like how we were before."

I feel a twinge of guilt pull at my heart, causing me actual physical pain for a second. We're here right now talking about forgiveness and I'm keeping in a secret that could ruin us before we even start. I need to tell him.

"Jaime-"

"Hey!"

A yell comes from the front of the house causing us both to turn our attention to it.

Its Tony and he's coming towards us quicker than I can piece together the situation that I'm in. He's beaming at me, clearly unaware of the absolutely fuckery that is going to take place right now.

"Hey, good timing!" Tony says to me. "Jaime, this-"

I stand there in horror. I've just fixed this longstanding issue with Jaime and now its about to become worse. Jaime thankfully cuts him off before he can finish his sentence.

"Tone! This is Alia." Jaime says, grinning at Tony. "My sister."