One Hundred Sleepless Nights

25

Out of pure delusion I expect to hear from Tony before he leaves on tour. After all we did just spend nearly every day together for four-ish months, theres no way he would just leave without saying anything. But thats exactly what happens.

At one point I got a text around the time they were supposed to leave, but it wasn't Tony, it was Jaime. Clearly Tony hasn't said anything to him yet about us, I'm not even sure if he will. I know he doesn't want to keep it from him but now theres nothing to tell anyways.

I start to text Tony a couple of times but stop myself. I don't want this to be like how it was with Jaime where I kept pushing and pushing and it made him want to talk to me even less. So I leave it alone.

Instead I focus on my work. I pick up an extra shift at the bar and even sign up for school. I've always wanted to be a real estate agent and one of the requirements in this state is taking three classes, or 135 hours of classes. I've started them during the day and honestly its been going great. If I stick to it, I'm set to have everything I need to be a real estate agent in nine months. 

So for now thats my life. Work at night and school during the day. 

I go and see my mom at least once every week. She's not aware of Tony, but I did tell her that me and the guy I was seeing broke up. I don't even dare tell her any of the details, I don't know how she'd react and then it runs the risk of getting back to Jaime, which he doesn't need to know especially mid-tour.

We've been talking and all seems good with him. He's tired of course because its a lot of travelling and shows and meet and greets and interviews and whatnot. He says its getting to everyone. He also told me that their next tour isn't for a year and a bit, though, so it'll be nice to see him more when he's back after this tour. I'm really looking forward to it.

I just wish ...I wish I could have it all. Jaime and Tony together, no issues. But thats not reality and I can't dwell.

So I don't.