One Hundred Sleepless Nights

20

"We need to talk."

I look up at Tony from my spot on his couch, my heart pounding as if I've just ran a marathon. 

Did he find out about Jaime? Did he show him a photo of me? Of course he did. They're like best friends and I'm dating Tony, of course he would show Jaime the girl he's with. God, did Jaime get mad? Did he quit the band? Is Tony kicked out the band? I got Tony kicked out his fucking band! I'm the fucking worst, I can't believe-

"I'm leaving soon." Tony says, blissfully unaware of all the thoughts going on inside of my head right now. "I know that was a big reason you didn't want to be together so I thought we could talk about it now rather than later."

I kind of forgot about the fact that Tony was going on tour soon. Between all the happiness of us being together it kind of slipped my mind.

"When are you leaving?" I ask him.

"In about two and a half weeks." he answers. "We leave on the 24th."

"Thats so soon." I say, my heart sinking in my chest.

He comes over to me and wraps his arms around me, resting his head against mine.

"It'll go by quickly." he assures me. "I'll be back before you can even start to miss me."

"I've already started missing you." I mumble into his chest.

I feel a bit like a loser, sad over someone who's still here with me, but I can't help it. I've let him in, I'm invested now, and he's leaving for four months. I know we can still text and call each other and all that, but its not the same. Being with someone without physically seeing them feels like a huge loss no matter what.

"I mis you already too." Tony says. "No matter how many times I've done this it never gets easier."

"This sucks." I say. My mood has majorly plummeted since this conversation started.

"Are you going to be okay while I'm gone? Is there anything I can do to make it easier?" he asks me, petting the back of my head softly.

What a sweet fucking guy. I can't believe I held off on dating him for so long.

"Just send me videos of you." I say, a small smirk on my face. "You know the kind I want."

"Okay, you're done." he says as he backs out of our hug.

"Come on, please!" I ask, pulling on his arm to try and get him back in my grasp.

"Nope, done." he says and gives me a little push.

I give him my best pout. "You're hurting my feelings."

"Good." he says, a grin on his face. His face softens as he looks at me. "I want you to know that I'm committed to this and that you have nothing to worry about. I know a lot of people have their doubts when their partner is on the road, but I'm assuring you that I wont do anything at all to mess this up."

"I know." I say softly trying not to show him how touched I am that he would give me reassurance like this without me even having to ask. "It took you months to sleep with me and you only gave it up when I agreed to date you. I know nobody else is sliding in easily."

He rolls his eyes at me but that cute grin is back on his face. Mission accomplished.

"If you tell me there's another band that has a woman guitar player I'll be pissed. She'll win you over with her guitar skills and you guys will get married at a guitar shop and have your guitar babies." I say, rambling on about this make-believe situation.

"I wouldn't date a fellow musician." he says matter-of-factly.

"Me neither."

He gives me a look, one I've come to release means he thinks what I've said isn't funny or annoying but is just plain dumb. Sometimes I kind of say things just to get that reaction from him.

"I have an entire day planned for us if you're interested?" Tony says to me.

"Oh? I guess I'll get ready." I say, my hands finding their way to the top of my pants so I can take them off for him.

"Not that kind of day." he says, shaking his head at me. 

I pout at him as I readjust my pants. No fun.

"But we are doing that once we get back here." he says. "We'll be doing it a lot to make up for the fact that we wont have the chance for four months."

I can't fucking wait for tonight now.