One Hundred Sleepless Nights

28

The tour is officially done by this point. Tony was supposed to be home on the 3rd, but every time I go by his place it looks like its empty. There's no lights on inside or any cars in the driveway. I don't go by often, maybe about six times in the past two weeks.

I went by Jaime's too. I went by twice since he was supposed to be home. His car was in the driveway both times and I wanted to go in, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I know he doesn't want to see me so I wont show up and make him even angrier than he already is.

I don't mind if he's still angry at me, but I hope he forgave Tony at least during that last month. Tony didn't know who I was for the majority of the time we spent together and even though, yeah, we slept together after he knew, it was a lapse in judgment. I tempted him. It was my fault. I hope Jaime knows it because it would kill me if I ruined another one of his friendships.

But I try not to dwell on it all too much. It hurts to think of honestly.

I haven't done my usual coping tactics of drugs or sleeping with people, instead for the first time in my life I've just ...dealt with it. Its not been easy, somedays I cry, sometimes I get really angry and blame myself, sometimes I just don't feel anything. More than anything though I just miss Jaime and Tony. A lot.

I get home at 3am, a half hour earlier than I usually do. Work hasn't been as easy as it used to be. I used to love chatting with people, well, flirting actually. I loved meeting new people and charming them, but ever since Tony I haven't felt like doing it at all. Now the nights just kind of drag on and I find myself waiting for my shift to end. Today was one of those times. 

Now its time to smoke a little and go right to bed.

Before I can even finish rolling, there's a knock on my front door. I glance at the door, clearly not expecting anyone to be coming to my place at this time, so I choose to ignore it. I pack my joint a little tighter and start to twist it closed as theres another knock, this time more aggressive than before.

Again, I ignore it. I quietly and slowly get up off my couch and start heading towards the back door, but a different noise at the front door stops me.

Whoever is out there is turning my doorknob that I never locked. My heart starts beating quicker. Someone is trying to break into my fucking place and I'm alone in it. At 3am.

I look around for a weapon but before I can find one, the door is slowly opening. The lights from outside spill into the room and in the doorway stands a shadowed figure. They slowly reach to the side of the door and flip the light switch on.

"What the fuck, Jaime?" I say, breathing out a sigh of relief as I realize its him. "I thought you were breaking in to kill me!"

He turns around to close the door and when he turns back, he's grinning at me, clearly happy about this. "I still could." he points out.

"Yeah but please don't. Mom would be so pissed if you killed me."

"Ah, she'd get over it." he says, waving me off.

As my heartbeat returns to normal I realize that this is weird. Jaime is at my place in the middle of the night, talking to me for the first time in a month. I haven't seen or heard from him since he told me I was pretty much dead to him.

Instinctively I wrap my arms around myself, as if to protect myself. "What're you doing here?" I ask him. "You said you never wanted to see me again."

"Yeah I'm just a stickler for punishment." he says, a grin on his face.

I raise an eyebrow at him, not impressed at all.

"Tony's been miserable." Jaime says. "He's hardly even smiled during the entire tour."

"Well, yeah, you told him you guys were done, of course he's been miserable." I retort, trying to keep my tone as unspiteful as possible. 

Jaime shakes his head at me. "Even before that. Since the very day we left he's been miserable. I assumed it was just the tour taking a toll on him, but that night on tour made me realize why he was so upset."

I stare at him, not saying a single word. Who cares now? It doesn't really matter to Jaime how Tony feels.

"He loves you, Alia." Jaime states. "It was killing him not being with you."

"Doesn't really matter now." I mumble lamely.

Jaime sighs then throws his arms up in a helpless gesture. "I was wrong. I was hurt, again. It sucked having that happen again, but after seeing Tony with you and realizing what was making him so upset, I realized you weren't lying. It was real with you guys, wasn't it?"

I nod my head, tears prickling my eyes. "Yeah it was."

"You shouldn't have kept it from me." he says.

"I know. I'm sorry Jaime, I didn't even mean for it to get that far, but the more time I spent with him the more I liked him and then it was too late to tell either of you." I say, my voice quivering in some spots but remaining strong throughout. "I didn't want to lose either of you."

"I'm here." Jaime says, a comforting smile on his face. 'If you go see Tony I know you can have him back too."

"I haven't even see him at his place yet, I've gone by."

"Thats probably my fault." Jaime says. "We didn't get to fix things before the tour was over. He left before the last week."

"He left?" I ask, worry shooting through me. "Where'd he go?"

Jaime shrugs. "He has a couple spots he escapes to that only he knows about. I was hoping he would be back in town when I was, but I haven't seen him either."

"What if something happened to him?" I ask. 

"Hey, don't worry." Jaime says, coming over to me and putting a calming hand upon my shoulder. "I'll call him, okay? I'll find out where he is. I promise you he's fine."

I nod  but I'm not fully convinced by this. What if Tony doesn't even answer Jaime? God, I knew I should've checked in with him earlier but no instead I was too afraid so I didn't even bother.