Dear diary,
Today is going to but hard, but that means tomorrow will seem easier.
InShaAllah.
J x
One thing you should know about me is that I struggle with anxiety. The simple act of saying hello to someone in the street will set me off. I most definitely will be thinking about the interaction at least fifty time during the day. Did I use the right tone of voice? Was I rude? Did I smile? Why did I wave my hand awkwardly like that? I hope I came across as friendly not psycho? Who even says hello anymore? Anyway, the point is, Im the definition of an over-thinker. It's a real accomplishment I've made it this far in life with no one noticing.
So as I stand on the steps with wide-eyed students bustling around me, I take a deep breath and let it out. I've gotten this far, I can do this.
I take my first steps into Cambridge university.
As I make my way around the engineering building I can't help but feel the stares. I'm not used to being the odd one out, but it's seems everyone is stoping in the tracks to stare at me. I grew up in a multi-cultural city, being brown or wearing the hijab was never a big deal. Alhamdullilah, I am grateful I got to my childhood wasn't impacted by the extra societal pressures. I told myself to expect this but I still can't help feel shocked. I guess I just never stepped out of my bubble before.
I find my way to the lecture theatre and take a seat towards the back. I'm still early so I sit there and pass the time by people watching. People mingle here and there, I can see many have already made friends during freshers week. Most of those activities involved drinking so I didn't participate. Once the theatre fills up I count 12 people of colour. I'm the only girl out of those 12. I hoped I would be able to find someone similar to me, but that plan is out the window.
I guess I'm on my own.
The lecturer walks in and sets up. No introduction, we're thrown straight into the deep end. It doesn't phase me, I'm an expert at keeping my head above the water.
Practice makes perfect and all that.
YOU ARE READING
Through your eyes
RomanceJannah has lived her whole life as a bystander, going through the motions, to reach the next step. When she meets Elliot she realises how wrong she was. She starts living for herself. Elliot has spent his live yearning for more. He has everything, m...
