Through your eyes

Jannah

Dear diary,

I can't wait for summer

J x

It's May and exam season is well under way. We've got one more exam left and then we break up for summer, I can't wait.
Since February my life has really taken a turn. I've started to do things for myself, started to take control of my life rather than being ruled by my anxiety and insecurities. I still struggle with it all but my I remember all the unguarded moments since and my heart feels warm. I never thought I would have found a friend, someone I would trust with my life. But Sadie has come to mean more to me than I could ever put in to words. She listens to me, understands me and even relates to me sometimes. I've never felt so heard. She sweet and so kind and fun. She's so confident I never would have know that she struggles too. Since I've opened up to her, we've gotten a lot closer. She's even invited me to stay with her and her family for a while in the summer. I'm praying my parents let me go.

Since my turning point I've joined three societies on campus; Islamic society, taekwondo society and chess society. The first is self explanatory and has helped me with a sense of community. The second is something I always wished to do when I was younger, I want to be strong, independent, to be able to protect myself. And the third, I know is a little silly, but chess is extremely strategical and a little anti-social which honestly suits me perfectly. It's a great way for me to switch my brain off.
Every week, Sadie and I reserve a couple of hours to explore the city, do things with no point other than to have fun. This weekend we did an escape room which was a nice break from studying. I'm learning how to balance and honestly life has never felt so good. So full. Alhamdullilah, I thank Allah for guiding me this way.

I often wonder if I would have still been stuck in my monotonous life if not for that moment. That one unguarded moment with a complete stranger who sent my world spinning out of orbit. The one who got the wheel rolling that I can't stop, don't want to stop. I think of him sometimes, grateful for the humanity he showed me, the kindness, the respect, how he made me feel comfortable. I wonder if he's finding his happiness, I'm still praying for it.

When I came home that night I googled him. So now I know all about one of the youngest billionaires on the Forbes list, Eliot Madden. He looked so detached in all his photos, so serious. Almost otherworldly, like he was too good to be around the rest of us common folk. Honestly I was a little shocked that he decided to spend his precious time with me. How open and vulnerable he was with me. How nice he was. I guess those pictures really don't do him justice. Im not talking about how handsome his is, though that is true, Allah forgive me. Im still human and can acknowledge beauty. I'm talking about how human he was. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I thank him for setting my life on this path. Making me realise I can be human too. If someone that powerful can show such weakness and still make it, then it must not be such a bad thing. That there must be hope for us all. Our paths are likely not going to cross again. As much as I'd love to experience that feeling again, part of me thinks I've imagined most of what happened. That there's no way anything could live up to that moment of peace and stillness.

...

I'm on my way to the library, meeting up with some classmates and Sadie for a groups study session when I hear his name again.

"Didn't you hear, Elliot Madden's going to be the keynote speaker the end of year banquet".

"I can't believe he RSVP'd, he never attends things like this. I heard they wanted to give him the benefactors award last year but he turned it down. Who would do that?"

The two girls standing at the water station are start talking about tickets and what they're going to wear. To be honest, I doubt they're going to be able to get there hands on them. If Elliot Madden is going there's not going to be an empty seat in the house.

Im a little freaked because what a weird coincidence. I was literally thinking about how I most like would never see him again and here he is coming to my university again. He hasn't showed up to any networking events since, that night was the first and only time he'd even been according to Sadie. I file it away and focus on the upcoming exam, it's not like I'm going to this banquet anyway.