Through your eyes

Jannah

Having his attention focused solely on me was unnerving.
Ya Allah what is happening.

Sadie left after introducing us both. She spotted a HR representative of an energy firm who she wanted to talk to. So that left Mr Madden and I at a quiet corner at the bar. Somehow we've managed to talk business for the whole hour she's been gone. And to my surprise. I'm actually enjoying myself.

I was anxious when Sadie left, as much practice as I've gotten I hate talking to new people. Especially when there's no point to the conversation. Give me a motive or a topic and the logical part of my brain takes over. Small talk however, is always awkward. I thought I would have to make an excuse to leave, but Mr Madden distracted me by asking my opinions on every firm here. He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. It was like he knew the way to get me out of my head was to talk work.

What's surprised me most is he is knowledgeable enough to argue against my theories. And even though I get him to see my point in the end, he makes valid points that I have to explain. Of course I'd already thought of every point he made when creating my proposals, but I was impressed he was able to think of them on the spot. I thought he would be like most of CEOs in here. None of them have worked for their positions, it's been handed to them on a silver platter. Also he works in tech? How does he know so much about engineering? I've concluded he must genuinely be a genius.

"I think if Sorrec look into circulation areas, it would increase their profits for future hire after The Games".

There was silence. Oh no, was that too much? I should've just shut my mouth? He didn't even as me about Sorrec why did I say that? I realised then that I'd let my guard down, I'd just let my thoughts slip out of my mouth. Unfiltered. It rarely even happens when I'm with Sadie, how did this happen with a stranger?

"Hmmm I think you're right", his deep voice drags me from the pits of my mind.

Now there's silence on my end. What? He thinks I'm right? No questions, no quizzing, no comebacks? His bottle green eyes meet my very confused ones.

He laughs loudly "I just told you 'you were right' and you're disappointed? This is a first, most people act like they've won the lottery".

I don't process what he said, I'm distracted by his laugh, rough and gravelly, like the muscles in his neck don't quite remember how to get the sound out.

He looks at me again and now we're both just staring. I'm staring into cloudy green eyes trying to figure him out and as weird as this is, I think he's trying to do the same.

Then his eyes turn soft and the colours change, somehow looking brighter.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier". He says it so quietly I almost miss it.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused. I'm almost always uncomfortable, but I thought I hid it quiet well. Also somewhere over the last hour I must of become somewhat comfortable with him, since I just let my thoughts slip out unfiltered.

"When you were laughing earlier, I didn't mean to stare and I hope I didn't come across as rude"

He's worried he offended me? No one has ever cared before.

"Ummm, its okay... I'm used to getting weird looks". It's true, most people do look at me 5 seconds longer than necessary because of my hijab, sometimes even my clothing. I've learnt to expect it now, so I'm better at dealing with it.

"I wasn't staring at you because of how you look, not because you're not gorgeous or anything..." He lets or a sigh " Let's try this again. What I'm trying to say is that I heard you laughing and it sounded like you were having fun. I haven't felt that in so long I wanted to see what it looks like".  He looks sheepish yet somehow not sorry about it either. Confident in a way that should not be possible given the vulnerable spiel he just spewed. Im envious, I want to be able to own my feelings and thoughts like that.

He staring at me expectantly and then I process what he said. I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks because he's made me flustered. He noticed me. He noticed me as a person, he looked at me and didn't see my hijab or my brown skin. Something warms inside me, right beneath my breastbone. A feeling that fills me up, content and satisfied. Gives me peace.

Earlier when I laughed, I hated myself for it afterward. Why was I so loud? I've only bought more attention to myself. But now, seeing it through his eyes, I'm glad that one unguarded moment was able to connect with him. Help him in a way I can see written all over his face. I can't believe he's letting me see him like this, the pain and yearning in his eyes all for that one unguarded moment. There's no way he acts like this when he's at work, surely not? People would take advantage of him with such an open face. When he was talking to Sadie I couldn't get a read on him at all. Maybe he's  finding comfort in a stranger, after all we'll probably never see each other again. Maybe this is his unguarded moment. And with how respectfully he accepted mine, I should accept his.

I smile at him, full teeth, dimpled cheeks, eyes wrinkled smile. "I hope you'll be able to find some of your own happiness one day."

Sometimes a smile really does say everything. Sometimes it's all you need to make someone's day. Because how he's smiling at me now, its making my day. It warms my heart to know I spread some kindness around in this world. It awakens this need inside me to do more.

He turns back to the bar and schools his expression, as if he remembers where we are. His face is back to that inquisitive expression. Hmmm he's obviously confused but trying to hide it.

"I'll be praying for it" I whisper seriously.

He looks at me out of the corner of his eyes taking a sip of his third sparkling water. But before he turns back to the room I catch the way his eyes twinkle.

And that glowing warmth in my chest from earlier? Yeah it's back again.

AN: hey, this is my first time writing, I hope you're enjoying. Please let me know how I'm doing? What you would like to see? I don't even know if I'm going to carry on with this story. I like the characters and storyline but find writing and editing long. I love to see some of your thoughts.