Through your eyes

Elliot

At my last and only Cambridge university event I was invited to come back by the dean who caught me at the door as I was leaving. After spending an hour sitting at the bar with Jannah, I was interrupted by Adam my assistant calling about our deal with a high profile client. In other words I had some fires to put out at the office. When the dean asked me to come back, I agreed on a whim. I don't know why because I don't do events like this unless there's a reason for Echo. I want to tell myself I was in a rush but I suspect I was in a good mood from my company at the bar. Anyway, I didn't expect the dean to cash in on my reluctant 'sure' by inviting me as the guest of honour for the evening.

And yeah I probably could have declined, I don't like celebrating me, milestones for Echo, sure. But I don't want people to praise me when I just got lucky. Don't get me wrong I worked extremely hard to get where I am. But there are thousands of people who work just as hard as me. Many of them are hungry for it, just like I was. There's nothing you can do if timing and luck aren't in your favour. So I always say no to things like this, Echo does well for itself and doesn't need the publicity and I like my privacy. Yet I agreed because deep down I'm hoping to see her again. Hoping for that moment of tranquility we seemed to have found. She probably won't even be here. Exam season has finished and half of the students have likely gone home. I guess I'll just have to make it through this evening.

I'm in the back of my Bentley on my way to campus with Dave my driver, who is humming along to a tune in the radio. I passed my driving test last year only because Adam forced me, and I still haven't driven my own car. He said it's a basic skill I should have and that I would thank him for it one day, which I'm still waiting for. To be fair to myself, I get a lot of work done on my commutes to events and meetings so sacrificing the time never seemed worth it. Maybe I should try driving it this weekend.

My mind drifts over the last few weeks. Since that night at the mosque, I've spent every spare moment researching. I don't know what happened that night but it's like there is this ticking time bomb and I've got to find the truth. It's lit a fire in me to answer all these burning questions, to explain all the feeling I felt. I've visited the mosque a couple of times since and bumped into Yousuf again, so I've been asking him my questions. He answered them as best as he could but introduced me to the Imaam, Omar. Omar was also really nice and patient with me. He sent me home with a copy of the Quran, which I've been reading and everything feels like it's starting to fall in place. I even visited a church and a synagogue but it didn't feel the same as stepping into the mosque. On my way home from volunteering at the shelters, I always find my way to the mosque. It's like my feet have a mind of their own. I go inside and sit in the library corner to read and it's one of the only time I've felt true peace. I'm keeping an open mind and taking it as it goes. I asked about the process of converting, and imaam Omar said that in Islam everyone is born muslim and reverting is not as complicated as it seems. In essence a muslim is someone who believes in one God alone, and that Muhammad pbuh was his final messenger. Everything else is just logistics.

I feel like I'm close and it feels like I'm doing the right thing. I follow most of the 'rules' anyway so I wouldn't have to change much. I don't drink, do drugs, gamble, party, entertain women. I've seen what all of those vices can do to people when I lived in social housing during my teen years. And whilst I don't judge my neighbours and roommates for finding happiness in that way, even at the age of fifteen I realised it was all so destructive. In recent years, I have been getting attention from women but I've never seen the point in pursuing something. Whenever I've tried to make a connection, nothing was genuine. In this world it's always about what people can get from you, money, fame, power, position. It's all so shallow. It's weird to think that interactions with a few strangers restored my faith in humanity. It's probably why I was so shocked by it all. Kindness and compassion isn't something I see in my everyday life.