Through your eyes

Jannah

Dear diary,

I'm going to make the most of tonight

Jx

Seeing Elliot int the coffee shop was a surprise. It's impossible to bump into each other so many times and pass it off as a coincidence. There must be something there, I just don't know what. I place the encounter in the back of my mind and get ready for tonight's event.

It's a really lovely charity that the company is supporting. I hope I'll be able to meet some of the  staff. I wish I could do something to help. I'm hoping some of the young adults will be there too. It'll be a great opportunity for them, for all of us, to make connections. Sadie's parents have got clients in all sectors of business. So hopefully the members benefit from the event.

...

Friday night. Johnson fundraiser

As much as I don't like socialising, I've actually enjoyed tonight. I've spoken to firms I otherwise would've never had the opportunity to, and it's all been positive. I also spoke to Jen from the charity and it was enlightening. I wish there was something I could do that could help get her life back on track. It must be so hard to have one action, one mistake, one struggle define you.

I've stepped outside to get a little air. It's cocktail hour now, so nearly everyone was gathered around the bar. Jen and a few others from the organisation went home before the bar opened. I always knew the rich could be insensitive, but tonight I find it frustrating. It's conceited holding an event for people struggling with addiction and then serving them their vices. I sigh. People can't think beyond themselves. Ya Allah, forgive me and guide us all. I think about the positives, Jen made connections that can hopefully help her. The event raised money for the charity which I'm sure will upgrade their facilities and resources. It also shared light on the issue, hopefully it resonates in someone's heart who can make a difference.

I see a familiar silhouette standing to the side of the patio, looking out over the gardens. It couldn't be? Could it? And when did his silhouette become familiar?

"Elliot?"

He turns his head to look back at me over his shoulder. Green eyes flaring with a little surprise but a lot of warmth.

"Jannah"

"I guess I should stop being surprised every time I bump into you. Seems like it's a given now." I let out a little laugh.

He chuckles as I make way way over to him. Humour still lingers in his eyes as he takes me in. But there's a little unease, under it all. As if he's unsure of me. He looks back to the gardens.

"How are you?" I ask.

I feel confident tonight. Probably because I've been holding conversations with people all evening.
He's always respectful and kind, always wanting to put me at ease. And I hate that I have given him an impression otherwise. At the coffee shop I guess I let my anxiety take over, and he probably thinks it's because of him.

"I'm doing well thank you, and you?"

"I'm good thanks." Our eyes meet again and I can see the question in his eyes.

"No I'm not uncomfortable." I chuckle and roll my eyes.

When I look at him again, I watch his smirk grown into a beaming smile. His perfect teeth are framed by perfect lips. His green eyes dancing, the flecks of gold in them sparkling and smile lines crinkling the corner of his eyes. Objectively I can admit that he's handsome. Ya Allah, forgive me.

I clear my throat. " I wanted to tell you something."
Right. This is it. Laying my cards on the table. I know he won't laugh at me so at least that helps. His smile is gone now, but the happiness is still in his eyes. It makes me feel a little jittery with his attention on me like this. Gives me courage, like I could do anything.

"I'm a little awkward sometimes because I struggle with anxiety. It's easier for me to control my social anxiety if I'm prepared for it or once I'm already in the flow of social situations. That morning in the coffee shop caught me off guard and my awkwardness took over."

The look he is giving me could melt butter. All soft, warm and understanding.

"I'm doing this thing where I'm trying to not apologise for the way I am, for things out of my control. But I regret how I dealt with that morning, and I am sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"It's okay. You didn't hurt my feelings. I was more upset and worried that I made you feel uncomfortable." He says softly.

The way he's looking at me now, I'll never forget. It's not like I'm inferior, not like my anxiety is stupid, not like he's figured out the pieces to a puzzle, not like he's going back through every interaction and now it all makes sense. The way he's looking at me, you'd think I just moved a mountain, or walked on water. It's awe, respect, admiration in his eyes. I just admitted my biggest insecurity, an undoubtedly hindering flaw and he's looking with reverence.

And he's still worried about making me uncomfortable!
I've never met anyone like him. He's so thoughtful, attentive, understanding, unselfish, considerate. The list goes on.

"Thank you for sharing, even though you didn't have to... if there's ever anything I do that is a trigger or things that I could do to help you please let me know." He says kindly.

I don't understand how I got so lucky, in meeting this stranger. Although from this moment on I decide he's not a stranger to me anymore. For some reason I trust him, and I tell him that.

"I trust you..." I shrug as if it's no big deal. I could count the people I trust on one hand and somehow he's one of them.

His eyes widen, perfect eyebrows raise.
"This is a big deal, don't down play it." He chuckles.

"I guess this means we're friends now." I say nonchalantly with another shrug.

"Nothing would give me greater pleasure Jannah." He smiles mischievously.