In This World (Harry Styles)

16

(DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. It's important to remember this is all totally fabricated, embellished, and exaggerated for entertainment purposes.)

*******

But take heart, my love

'Cause when I see you, I see hope

When I see you, I see hope

Ophelia – Roo Panes

I woke in his arms a few hours later and felt safe. Covered. The mere notion was divine...that this strange man had held me the entire time. The room was cool, dark, and utterly silent. All I heard was his breathing. His heartbeat thumped against my back, as he was still spooning me for dear life, face nuzzled against my hair. I drifted asleep again and woke at dawn, which shone intensely through the undraped floor-to-ceiling windows. It spread unhurriedly across the bay in fiery violet hues, casting a purple serenity across the property and stopping my breath. God as my witness, I'd seen a million dawns, but none whose colors were as volcanic or mesmerizing as these.

A marrow-deep peace swept my body, and I feared I'd soon dissipate with how light I felt. He was the only thing tying me down anymore. I turned about in his arms and for the first time since we'd met, pressed my lips to his cheek. I couldn't stop there. I kissed him awake, pecking all over his face and shoulder and bicep. His ashen eyes fluttered open with a smile. He then cradled the back of my head and brought our foreheads together.

"Hi..."

"Hi love..." I uttered in response, brushing our noses together until he snorted.

Soon I pulled away, fingering his sensuous lips. They were full and ruddy and tempting. He licked them self-consciously, and I couldn't resist running my thumb along the warm moisture left behind; flicking the fleshy bud of his top lip and the shadow of a mustache above. He playfully smooched my fingers. Dazzled by the quiet, by the confounding love in his eyes, by the wild beauty of dawn suffusing the room, I surrendered, falling completely under his spell. I pressed my lips to his, kissing him on the mouth for the first time. My eyes shut fitfully, and I did not give a solitary fuck about our morning breath. In fact, I savored the bizarre intimacy of it. Devouring him until I could hardly draw breath. He moaned and tried to keep up with my starvation. Slipping his tongue into my mouth and flicking mine until I nearly pissed myself.

We broke when we couldn't breathe, overcome by the intense emotions that marked the occasion. Our first. Tears sprang into my eyes and his alike. He sat up and snatched me down onto his lap and we tongued each other like it was a marathon, enraged that we'd waited so long. Driven to tears by how raw it all was. I sucked his tongue like I'd known it all my days. Like we'd never gone an hour as strangers. He was up on his feet now, wrapping my legs around his waist and teasing me with his deft mouth. Never once breaking the kiss, which had become more languid and searching. He robbed me of every wit of strength, carrying me out onto the balcony and into the holy exposure day. And in that moment, for the first time in my life, I found solace in the totality of being. In the ease of acceptance, the abundance of wholeness, and the valor of hope.

***

That afternoon, we went horseback riding at a local ranch run by an endearing Japanese couple who still enjoyed an adorable banter despite being married for decades. They were small and creased and withered with age, but quite buoyant. They employed several young groomsmen and groundskeepers who helped prep the horses once we arrived, and would keep an eye out for us as we explored the estate at our leisure. While we waited, the couple offered us homemade snacks and beverages and many laughs, gifting me a brief lesson on riding and how best to control my mount. When it came time for us to head out on our own, we were reluctant to part. I figured I could sit and talk with them for hours, listening as they weaved tales about how they first met and fell in love, then decided to runaway to the countryside together. As it stood, they were utterly at home in each other's company, and in the unpolluted universe they'd built for their prize-winning steeds at the island's edge.