In This World (Harry Styles)

27

(DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. It's important to remember this is all totally fabricated, embellished, and exaggerated for entertainment purposes.)

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Tell me, what is my life without your love?

And tell me, who am I without you by my side?

What Is Life - George Harrison

The night seemed to drag on like it was the dead of summer, but I wasn't complaining. After cleaning up the terrace a bit, I spotted Noah and Gray seated together in the dark at the edge of the pool, and could smell Noah's cigarette burning from where I stood. The smell brought up countless memories that I instantly suppressed to return to the present. It was a tactic I'd worked on in therapy, and had gotten pretty good at. Not allowing the past to overtake me whenever it pleased, because I had far too many triggers to give into at a moment's notice. Scents and smells especially. I wouldn't be able to function or lead a normal life if I surrendered to them at every turn.

Sighing, I eyed them a bit longer, grateful for how much we were all able to bond in such a short space of time. I loved these idiots. Already I felt at home around them, and therefore far more at ease about flying home with them to Melbourne in a few days. It was so deeply apparent how much they cared for one another, particularly Noah and Gray, who stole every moment they could to chat in private. The eldest was definitely the dad of the group, and I recalled now how integral he had been to Gray's survival in those early days. I was eternally grateful he was still able to lean on that relationship after everything that had gone down, and from the looks of it, he'd been needing a visit from his brothers for a long time coming. Soon Noah slung an arm around his shoulders and kissed the top of his head and my heart stopped. I finished up and moved inside for the night, warmed to my core.

I ended up in the studio since it was the quietest place in the house, intending to get a late-night writing session in. Although, once I sat, not much came to me. I think I was tuckered out from the long unruly day, and ought to try my hand at writing once we returned from traveling and I met new people and had new experiences. Still, something pigheaded in me demanded that I remain. And I'm glad I did, because Archie came strolling in not long after, clearly snooping around the house. He was now wearing Gray's fancy robe.

"Harry Styles!" he beamed.

"Hey mate," I smiled wearily back at him.

"Look H, I just wanted to say, sorry for being so hard on ya out there during the game." His breath reeked of alcohol, and I could smell it even from where I sat. "We get that way sometimes when we're playing for big bucks, but really, it's because we really, really like you mate."

"Mate, you call that big bucks?? How broke are you anyway?"

"Damn it!" We laughed.

"No, but seriously...thanks, Archie mate. It's ok, I get it. Gray was the same with me before we got closer. I know the ribbing's just a love language. I'm used to it from the band, y'know? Because I never grew up with any brothers, so they taught me how men tend to communicate."

"Oh buggers, that's right. I forgot about the band," he said, taking Gray's spinning chain and plopping beside me. "So d'you miss those guys or what? You have to by now right?"

"Eh...yeah, sometimes. Sometimes, I think. But if I'm honest, mate...not always. Things were, uh...bad towards the end there. Everyone was basically in it for themselves at that point and focused on what they wanted out of the deal. Trying to see how long we could make it last. Some of us plotting to break free. No one was really thinking of each other anymore, because we'd grown so frustrated with one another by the end of it. Being subjected to one another nearly every day for five years since we were teenagers...it became a nightmare. You can imagine that didn't work out too well. We went from boys to, uh...well, theoretically to men, who were so far removed from our old selves. Y'know ...the ones who had signed up for the band to begin with? Well they had totally changed. Both in temperament and in our different levels of hunger for it. And even our friendships. So many of them fell apart through the years. Niall, I would say, is still my best mate from the lot...and even he and I are pretty hit or miss. We link up on a rare occasion every once in a blue moon, but that's about it."