In This World (Harry Styles)

9

(DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. It's important to remember this is all totally fabricated, embellished, and exaggerated for entertainment purposes.)

*******

You ruined everything good

Always said you were misunderstood

Made all my moments your own

Just fucking leave me alone

Happier Than Ever – Billie Ellish

HARRY

It was late when my shift began. I took over with nothing but the navigation to keep me company, as Gray had checked out the moment we swapped roles. "Madame George" played in a mellow hush over the cab, whispering under the night wind like an incantation. The windows were still down, and it made the drive a cathartic one. He was fast asleep in the back, stretched as much as he could along the entire seat. Unable to refrain, I stole a glance at him on occasion in the rearview mirror, and was glad to see he was getting some rest after making the long trip twice in 24 hours.

I was also grateful for the space of solitude allowing me to grow accustomed to the idea of being around him for the next few weeks. He was chill enough at times where he wasn't much of a bother, and just energetic and spontaneous enough to keep things interesting. Despite how much I opposed the notion at the start, I was beginning to realize this excursion into the abject wilderness was ideal for me. I wanted——no, needed to be cleansed of my past, of my trauma, of my former cyclical way of thinking. I needed to be rebirthed; refined by flame.

It was incumbent upon me to unclench and allow life to happen as it came; do my best to be present. No longer coasting. No longer cauterizing my feelings. At last letting those thoughts hemorrhage to their natural demise, and if that conclusion happened to be total exsanguination, then so be it. Whatever the outcome may be, it was time for me to face it. Moreover, to put me first for a change. Allowing myself to explore being unkind for the sake of understanding what I truly wanted from life. Stop stressing over having the right experiences and meeting the right people and making the right music. The music would come because it was my lifeline and my destiny. In the meantime, I would meditate. Fervently and often; in perfect aloneness.

Hours later, I arrived at a private gated road leading into a forested area. I figured it must've led to his place, so I stopped and craned to see into the distance. Failing to distinguish anything helpful, I reached back and set a hand on his chest to wake him. He moaned sleepily, clutching my hand and playing with my fingers. Although he was only half awake and the gesture was absent, it made my stomach knot. Warming me more than I cared to admit. I allowed it to go on longer than I should have, until the knots in my stomach became violent; simply relishing the sensation and absorbing the muted beat of his heart.

"Mateee," I chuckled after some time. "We're here...I think."

He woke fully and smiled, freeing my trapped hand: "Sorry..."

"You put a lot of trust in people, sleeping around them all willy-nilly when you hardly even know them."

"I trust you..." he grinned tiredly.

"I'm pretty sure we're here now," I once more gazed through the darkness in search of a facade. He sat up and stretched, then leaned between the two front seats.