In This World (Harry Styles)

17

(DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. It's important to remember this is all totally fabricated, embellished, and exaggerated for entertainment purposes.)

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Can you hear me calling out your name?

You know that I'm falling and I don't know what to say

I'll speak a little louder, I'll even shout

You know that I'm proud and I can't get the words out

Everywhere – Fleetwood Mac

July 2010

London, England

A road trip. Over four hours into the big city, so we left at dawn. The pavement darkly unfurling before us in the early morning dew; in that drear light where my heartbeat and the roar of the road were the only discernable sounds. Fog suspended midair, coloring the horizon like a Victorian malaise moving upon the land. That had been a few days ago when my sister and I had set out for London on our own, hoping to get a little sightseeing in before she dropped me off at the bootcamp phase of the X-Factor competition. Wembley Arena is where we were headed, which sat right across the street from the music world's holy mecca: Wembley Stadium.

What would it look like? God only knows. I'd only ever seen glimpses of it in concert footage on the telly. Like Freddy Mercury lighting up the stage during Queen's iconic Live Aid concert in 1985. What a different world it was then, and from coast to coast he had taken it by storm. I could hardly imagine the elite ability and inhuman confidence required to take mastery over a stage that massive with the level of ease he had. Like it had been the most natural thing he'd ever done in his life. What an impeccable send-off for a natural-born Hall-Of-Famer. I couldn't for the life of me picture myself stepping foot inside those hallowed halls behind him. It was totally unthinkable.

We had rented a nice sized car for the journey at my mum's expense since she was busy working, and set off with her blessing into the real world. Off to London for the first time in my life. We had secured a relatively inexpensive hotel for a few days, and planned to spend the rest of the week bunking at my Dad's friend's place so we'd have extra money for shopping and dining out and all the best touristy indulgences. Bootcamp was expected to last five days total, but that was only if I made it through the initial audition phase to secure a bed. So we'd prepared for all possible outcomes at my parents' insistence.

Visiting London for the first time was a huge deal for Gem and I both. It was so far from our hometown village, both culturally and geographically speaking, I never anticipated making it there at a mere 16 years old. Based on my stepdad's colorful accounts of the place, visiting the city was something I'd realistically looked forward to doing when I was older and more established. Now, established doing what exactly, I had no clue. Perhaps a prosperous solicitor or doctor or physiotherapist or something; and blessed with a group of super sophisticated friends who stayed in luxurious flats overlooking the skyline. Probably a pretentious art collector. Probably a wine drinker and fine diner. Or worse yet, a vegan.

We arrived a few days early and had done all the touristy stuff straightaway like Buckingham Palace and Madame Tussauds and even The Natural History Museum at Gem's insistence. She had a weird obsession with sloths and dinosaur bones, but I couldn't see the use in any of it at the minute. Music was all that was on my mind just now, as well as surviving the competition as long as I could, like some kind of hard-willed spermatozoon trying to beat the odds of life. Race hundreds of other determined contenders by leaping harder and faster and more relentlessly than any of them for that Darwinian window of opportunity we were all vying for. Then ultimately climb my way to the top of the food chain at the other side. Holy shit...it would not be easy. It'd take some hefty balls, I'd reckon. But there was no more panicking to do. The day had finally arrived that I was to make a showing and secure my future as a prospect who could hold his own week after week, no longer an insecure hopeful easily deterred by the faintest whiff of criticism or disbelief from others. This called for some proper road tunes to see me through.