In This World (Harry Styles)

32

(DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. It's important to remember this is all totally fabricated, embellished, and exaggerated for entertainment purposes.)

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What if I can't be all that you need me to be?

We've got a good thing going, we have some promises to keep

But my addiction, it can be such a detriment

Please believe in this my dear, I am more than penitent

Little Hell – City and Colour

By the time he was discharged the next day, it was around 7PM, but already dark out when the cab dropped us at the big station downtown. We had about half an hour before the train arrived, so that meant more tension and awkward silences. I wasn't in a talking mood today, and he discerned that and had mostly kept quiet. He hobbled his way into a sushi bar while we waited, as I took a breather outside to call Gray, except, he didn't answer. I texted him that I loved him and missed him and couldn't wait for him to come home to me. Told him to call me as soon as he could. Then I called Jeff next, because unlike anyone else, he'd be able to appreciate the sheer insanity of the current circumstances. He made me laugh a bit and helped me to keep my head cool until we figured this whole thing out.

By the time I hung up from him, Z had dined and finally had a smoke, then hobbled his way over to a coffee shop that had a few outdoor tables. It was chilly out and threatening rain, but he clearly wanted to smoke again. I hoovered in the general vicinity, trying to keep my distance, but he spotted me at last and waved me over.

"Yo, Haz...can we talk forh a minute?" Good god, what was with this guy and wanting to talk so much suddenly? Where was all this talking energy when I was begging him to speak year after year as our relationship degenerated to shit?? Christ almighty.

"What is there to talk about now?"

"What? Broh, c'mon now. How about everythin'?? Soh much has changed since I last seen youh. Like...I'm a father now..."

"Do you seriously think I wanna discuss you being a father? Like at all?? Are you seriously that clueless?"

"I just thought it'd be a normal part of conversation. Aren't youh even the least bit curious about it? Or her?"

"No."

"Ok...I get it. You're still angry."

"Don't be patronizing."

"Well, youh are angry, aren't youh? That much is clear. I mean...clearly youh are, yeah?"

"You want me to be angry?"

"At this point? Yeah. Anythin's better than indifference, babe. Youh just seem cold now. Like I can't reach youh like I used to. Where's that trademark Styler warmth, huh? You've lost it. Youh won't even look me in the eye anymore. It's written all over your face and body language. I guess youh lied in the letter right? Youh don't want me to be happy. Youh want me to be miserable. That was just all bullshit right? Tellin' me to goh be happy with G. And youh don't even want to talk about my kid? Not even forh a second, mate??"

"No. Not even for a second. In fact...if I'm being honest...I don't care about you, or your life, or your kid, because I don't have to. You're nothing to me, and I'm nothing to you. You wanted to knock the wind from my sails, and you did just that. Left me stranded. You abandoned ship, mate, and left me entirely alone. So don't come here expecting me to throw you a fucking parade over your new life, knowing what that situation did to me. It's an unbelievably cruel thing for you to do, Z...especially because you've never addressed it or even acknowledged what you did to me. I'm not here to fucking validate you, mate. And the only reason I'm sitting here now was to make sure you didn't croak because of something I did. In the morning I'll find you a hotel, and that'll once more be the end of us and this sickening discussion."