Never Be the Same

Part 13

They say we kill time. We save time. We rob and get robbed of time; we lose time; and we have all the time in the world. Time flies by so fast, is an old saying, but it seems like time stops for a loved one sitting in the waiting room of a busy hospital, waiting to hear if their loved ones will be okay. Even though you know technically it hasn't caused time doesn't stop for anyone, you might wish it would, just so you can come to terms with your reality and catch your breath.

Even though his reality is something Kelly doesn't want to come to terms with, his reality at this moment is more heartbreaking than any moment of his life. And that's putting it lightly; his first huge loss of his life was just under nine years ago. Losing his best friend was like losing a piece of himself. She left a big hole in his heart, and he pretty much went crazy after losing her. Not a day goes by that he doesn't wish she were still here. Shay would have loved Stella, and Stella would have loved Shay; they would have been great friends. And probably team up against him from time to time. He silently prays that Shay is watching over Stella and his babies and that everything will be okay. His mind goes to Anna; even though they didn't know each other long, she plays a small role in the man he is today. He lost her in this hospital six years ago, and Stella was there to help him through it; she was his and Anna's biggest supporter. He cared for Anna dearly and never wanted her story to end the way it did. She left a tiny hole in his heart. Two years after that, he was back in this hospital when he lost his dad. They might not have had your typical father-and-son relationship, been the best of friends, or even been on speaking terms half the time, but he was still his father and his reason for being here. If it wasn't for Benny Severide, he probably wouldn't be a firefighter. His death crushed him and left him with lots of unanswered questions. At that time, he was so lost and confused. Losing those three souls was undeniably heartbreaking in its own way. But nothing can compare to the soul-crushing feeling he's feeling now at the thought of losing his wife or his babies; hell, there's a chance he could lose all three of them, and that thought alone feels like someone cut his heart out, and tossed it across the other side of the room.

Stella saved him; she loved him even when he didn't love himself. She was his voice when he couldn't speak, his eyes when he couldn't see, and his ears when he couldn't hear. She brought so much beauty and joy to his life. She made him want to be a better man for her. She never gave up on him; she never stopped loving him. Even when he pushed her away, she became his best friend, his lover, his soulmate, his partner, and his world. And somehow, he got her to marry him and share her life with him. The road hasn't always been easy, but all roads have bumps, and he knows that no matter how bumpy the road gets, nothing will come between them. Except for death, death stops everything.

Finding out she was pregnant was the most exciting thing to ever happen to him. He always wanted to be a dad, and now he was going to be one. He made a vow to be a better dad to his kids than his dad was to him and to love them no matter what life choices they make.

Since finding out he was going to be a dad, he sometimes daydreamed about their life together, celebrating milestones with their kids, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and other special occasions. He just wants to grow old with Stella and watch their grandchildren run around in their backyard. But now that dream is being tested, his wife is in labor, and he should be with her experiencing the greatest moment of his life, but instead, he is sitting in a waiting room barely holding it together because everything is so messed up and out of his control.

It's been two hours since Kelly watched them rush Stella's lifeless body out of the room. But to Kelly, sitting alone in the waiting room, it feels more like two days have passed. The image of her collapsing into his arms and the color draining from her face as he looks down at her lifeless body in his arms haunts him. He wonders if she heard him screaming, hold on, and don't you dare leave me.