Never Be the Same

Part 24

They drove back to the hospital in silence. Benny and Shay were sleeping in the backseat. Kelly knew she was starting to get nervous again. "Babe, what's on your mind?" He asked as he pulled into the parking garage. 

"Nothing." She said it nonchalantly.

Kelly grabbed her hand. "You've been very quiet since we left my mom's. Are you having second thoughts?"

She gave him a confused and slightly anxious look. "No, yes, maybe." She looks in the backseat at her sleeping children. "I don't know." She watched them for a moment. "My emotions are all over the place; I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm scared, I'm confused, I'm...

"I understand." He squeezed her hand. 

"Remember when Gallo joined 51?" 

"Yeah." He told her softly. He was curious how Gallo had anything to do with what she was feeling. 

"And we all found out how he lost his family in that fire." Kelly nods. "I googled the fire and read up on it. My heart broke for him. He used to tell us stories about his parents; you could tell how much they loved him. And how much he misses them. And look at Brett; she had the best adopted parents, and then she got the chance to meet her mom. Julie was sweet and caring, just like Brett. And then she was gone; Brett never really got the chance to know her, and an innocent baby was born in this world and will never get to know her mom. None of it is fair." Her eyes tear up. 

Kelly was curious about where she was going with all this. 

"Gallo lost his parents; Brett lost her birth mom. All of that just had me up in my feelings. I started thinking about my mom, my grandma, my aunt, and my uncle. I went and visited my grandma's grave. And I talked to her about my mom and forgiveness." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked as he wiped away a tear from her eye. 

She shrugs. "I don't know; I've always kept my family life private. It's a subject I've never liked talking about." She gave him a sympathetic look. "It's not that I didn't want to tell you or that I didn't trust you. I just wanted to keep it buried. I wanted to pretend she didn't exist." She sighed slowly. "But that night, after I visited my grandma's grave, I came back to the loft, and you were sleeping. I wanted to leave you in; I wanted to tell you everything. But instead of waking you up, I just kissed your temple and watched you sleep for awhile." 

"I would have gone with you." He cupped her cheek. 

"I know you would have; I just needed to do it on my own." She tells him this as she leans her cheek into his palm. "I googled my mom that night; I was curious to see where she was. That's when I found out she was in prison in New York for a whole bunch of different charges. I wasn't surprised; I figure she was in prison. But I was angry." 

Kelly arched his eyebrow. "Angry that she was in prison?"

"No, she deserved to be in prison. I was happy about that." She looks down, feeling sort of ashamed about what she was about to say. "I was angry that she was still alive." She admitted to him quietly. "Gallo lost his amazing, wonderful family; Brett lost her mom. Innocent, good-hearted people died. And a soulless, evil human being who tried to sell her fifteen-year-old daughter's virginity for twenty grand was alive. It just did seem right." She kept her head down, not sure she could look at Kelly. She didn't mean to let that slip out. 

Kelly was astounded by what she just said. "Stella." He whispers. She doesn't look at him. "Baby, look at me." He lifts her chin, her eyes filled with shame and sadness. "Is that why you left home at fifteen?"

She nods, biting her lip. "That's why she brought me clothes and all that other stuff. It wasn't because she cared; it was because some old pervert wanted to buy my virginity. And she said yes." Her tears fell slowly. "She had me all dressed up in this tight blue dress; she put my hair up in a bun. Put a crown on my head. She said every princess should have a crown. I put on stockings and blue high heels. She sprayed my entire body with this awful perfume, which made me light-headed. Then she did my makeup; she kept saying, You look like a grownup." She exhaled. "I didn't like any of the stuff she was doing to me, but I loved that we seemed to be connecting again. It felt like I was getting my mom back. Which is all I really wanted." She looks at Shay and Benny again. "We went to an expensive restaurant and had a wonderful meal. The kitchen crew brought me out a double-fudge triple-layer cake. Everyone sang happy birthday to me. I felt so special; it was a good evening."