'I Don't Know' - Seventeen
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"Everything feels so unfamiliar to me.
Do I really have to end things now?
Who knows, I don't know, I don't really know."
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Jeonghan answers.
"Joshuji! He said yes!" Jeonghan immediately spoke.
"... Hello to you too."
"Ah sorry, I'm just so excited! I feel butterflies in my stomach and all that mushy shit."
"Right, right. I'm... happy to hear that." Joshua lied. He didn't ask anything, but Jeonghan kept talking.
"We're going out this Saturday. He said he's going to pick out the place... I wonder if it'll be romantic?" Jeonghan sang to himself.
He kept talking, unprompted. Something about Seungcheol being worried that he wouldn't go out with him because of- some reason that was unclear to the both of them. Joshua tuned it out.
It was almost like Jeonghan was doing this to tease him, he's never heard him talk like this before. He wished it was him instead, that he was excited about going out with. He wished that Jeonghan was talking to him about where they were going to go, about how excited he was to go out with him. He felt tears well up in his eyes.
"Joshuji? You still there? Hello?" Joshua quickly wiped his face, snapping back to reality.
"Y-Yeah? I'm still here, I'm listening." He cleared his throat and sniffled away from the phone.
"Well, I'm gonna go home and celebrate! We should order food and drink a bit to celebrate! What are you feeling tonight? I'll treat you again~ Ah I keep treating you these days..."
Jeonghan didn't even bother to extend an invite, he assumed Joshua would just be fully on board and willing. Joshua can't bring himself to do it, why would he? There's nothing for him to celebrate.
"N-No, Jeonghan. I...can't." He did everything he could to make his voice sound as stable as possible over the phone. Nausea surged through his body once again.
"What do you mean you can't...?" The excitement in Jeonghan's voice faded. Jeonghan's saddened tone broke his heart. He wanted to spend time with Jeonghan, but he's dating someone now (unfortunately) and Joshua needs to sort out his feelings and... the petals. He can't let Jeonghan learn about his Hanahaki disease. He's the last person that can find out.
"It's nothing, I'm just um... busy tonight. I can't always stay over at your room, you know?" Joshua fake laughed and picked the first excuse that came to mind, trying to play it off by teasing him. He didn't know how much longer he could keep his body together before he exploded into a mess of tears and flowers. His excuse didn't work.
"Oh, well if that's what you're worried about- I could just stay over at your room if that's easier for you?" He chuckled at Joshua's dumb excuse.
'Shit, of course he would say that! What was I thinking? Think quickly, Joshua!'
"Oh- n-no! You don't have to, I uh... I want some quiet tonight!" Joshua said, shakily. He gave up on trying to make some other plausible excuse.
YOU ARE READING
Smile Flower | Jihan
Fanfiction[based on the fictional Hanahaki disease] Joshua felt like he was going to die from the sheer stress of it all and he couldn't stop crying. He wasn't crying out of sadness, but out of anxiety, fear, and physical pain. He was scared out of his mind...
