'Smile Flower' - Seventeen
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"We can laugh because we're together, and I can cry because it's you.
Why wouldn't I be able to?
Don't say that it's the end, never.
I'll remain here by your side."
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The day he disappeared, Joshua was anxious. That entire day, he had tried doing things to get his mind off of everything. He had gone out on walks- he even tried jogging again- but when he got back to the dorm he still couldn't settle the tension in his body.
In a desperate attempt to relax, he decided to leave the dorm for the next day or so leading up to his surgery. He turned off his phone, grabbed his keys, a small container of bracelet-making supplies (including that tray with walls that Jeonghan had given him) and just started driving.
He wasn't really sure where to go- but then he remembered his favourite relaxing spot. There was a beach about an hour away from their dorm that he had heard about from one of his friends, and it became his go-to place for some alone time and clearing his mind. Whenever he needed time to himself, that's where he would go. That's where he planned to be the day before his surgery. But first, he decided to treat himself to some of his favourite comfort foods. Then, he checked in at a hotel to stay for the night, and went to sleep.
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When Joshua woke up, he went to the bakery to get some pastries and went to get the most bangin' takeout he's ever had in his life, then he went to get a picnic blanket.
At this point, he didn't give a fuck about anything, he was just relieved that all of this shit was gonna be over soon and he wanted a break away from everyone.
While driving to the beach, he reflects on how silly all of this was, and how this surgery (now) seemed like the most obvious option- but that was just a lie he told himself to feel better. It hurt. It hurt a lot. But he remembered what his doctor had told him the day before. He was making the decision that he thought was best for himself, and he still had much left to do in this world. He still had all of the other members who would surely support him, and Seungkwan- although he felt bad that the responsibility fell on him- would explain everything to them.
He didn't actually know what would happen if he saw Jeonghan again? If he saw Jeonghan after the surgery, what ... would happen? Would the memories just come back? Would he get Hanahaki again? Would he have to leave the group?
Oh well. He'll cross that bridge when he gets there.
'Just one more day, and I can forget about all of this- no, one more day and I, quite literally, WILL forget about all of this.'
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After about an hour's drive, he pulled up to a secret spot of his, a beach with the best view of the sunset/sunrise. He rarely went, but when he did, he used it as time to relax and forget about all of his worries.
He thought watching the sunset with Jeonghan would be really romantic- but also very corny. And that was why he never had it in him to ask Jeonghan to go with him, he almost felt too embarrassed or ashamed to ask, knowing the other wouldn't let him hear the end of it.
'Wow Joshuji, taking me on a date to watch the sunset? How romantic~... and corny." He'd smirk at him.
But he mostly thought it'd be funny if he pushed Jeonghan into the water- and he snickered at the thought. He brought out the things he prepared and got set up on the sand.
This was exactly what he wanted to do with Jeonghan, just get away from everything and be together- pushing each other into the water and giggling at random shit.
He went by himself to get some sort of closure. If he wasn't going to go with Jeonghan, at least he could go by himself to relax after all of the stress he's gone through. He'd have to get used to being without Jeonghan anyway. He picked a spot somewhere on the beach and set up his little picnic. It was cute, and he felt a bit excited. He took off his shoes and sat down on the blanket, releasing all of the tension he felt the day before into the ground, and just looking out at the water. It was so calm and peaceful, the air purified his lungs and he took his first proper breath in ages. It brought a bittersweet smile to his face. Finally, he'd be able to breathe again.
Even if it meant forgetting about Jeonghan.
He must've spent too much time daydreaming, because when he opened up his takeout it had gone cold... but that was fine, it didn't take much away from the taste. After eating, he brought out his box of beads and started making another bracelet. It was a mindful experience; he felt like he was just fully immersed in his bracelet making- and he made bracelet after bracelet without thinking about the time.
When he noticed a tinge of orange colouring his vision, he looked upwards to see the sun just starting to settle down. 'Just... one more day. One. last. day.'
"Hong Jisoo!"
His head snapped around. It was Jeonghan- and not just Jeonghan, hell, the entire group was there, but they all just stood behind him as Jeonghan got closer. 'H-How did he-'
Jeonghan exhaled a sigh of relief. When he finally closed the distance, Joshua stood up and Jeonghan immediately pulled him into an embrace.
YOU ARE READING
Smile Flower | Jihan
Fanfiction[based on the fictional Hanahaki disease] Joshua felt like he was going to die from the sheer stress of it all and he couldn't stop crying. He wasn't crying out of sadness, but out of anxiety, fear, and physical pain. He was scared out of his mind...
