'Dust' - Seventeen
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"The dust of stinging and better longing that is stained by your scent,
they don't float away, they just stack up in my heart.
...
No matter how much I throw away the memories along the flower road,
they returned back like dust and say I still love you"
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Soonyoung: "damn it! Why isn't seungkwan replying?"
Mingyu: "oh you know he's busy, cut him some slack, hyung."
Chan: "hey guys i heard jeonghan-hyung leave the dorm today- maybe he went looking for shua-hyung??"
Soonyoung: "ooh maybe! Hopefully we'll hear back from him soon."
Wonwoo: "fingers crossed"
Jihoon: "maybe we should wait for them in the living room?"
Mingyu: "who knows how long they'll take to get back?? Sorry, but i cant wait that long"
Wonwoo: "why dont we do it in turns? like different shifts"
Chan: "that's not a bad idea. Lets go with that."
Joshua returns to his room, completely confused. He bumped into some of the other members in the living room, who tried talking to him, but he was able to bullshit his way out of it.
Jihoon: "guys we caught shua"
Wonwoo: "and??"
Soonyoung: "he didn't say jack shit ㅜㅜ"
Jihoon: "he made some dumb ass excuse and ran off"
Chan: "fuck ㅜㅜ"
Minghao: "it's okay, let's just wait for jeonghan-hyung"
Joshua's heart was racing and fluttering in a new way that he hadn't experienced this entire week. It felt warm- but it felt wrong. Why did Jeonghan do that? Why did he kiss him?
'Jeonghan has a boyfriend now, why would he do that? I should be ashamed of these feelings, I can't be selfish! Why didn't I pull away!?! Now, Jeonghan's confusing his feelings and I'm just making it worse! I'm just disrupting everyone around me these days, the other members, Jeonghan, Seungcheol, and Seungkwan- who's been so kind to me...'
This entire situation brought Joshua so much guilt. Just because of his stupid little feelings, everyone around him was suffering. He was messing up his best friend's relationship, one of their busiest members was even more stressed because of him, and the entire dorm wasn't functioning normally because of all of the tension. On top of all of that, he was literally dying.
His feelings weren't just emotionally hurting him, they were physically hurting him as well.
Realistically, he knew it wasn't his fault. He couldn't control his own feelings, and this was all just one, big unfortunate situation that he couldn't do much about. To make matters worse, his kiss with Jeonghan was just giving him false hope, it was unhealthy. Joshua thinks these feelings of his are getting out of hand, maybe it's about time he made a decision.
'I think... I need to get that surgery.'
It hurt him to think about it, especially since he had just kissed Jeonghan- I mean, what if Jeonghan realized he has feelings for him??
No. That's just wishful thinking. Joshua knew the truth. Or... did he?
There was one realistic explanation that he could think of for Jeonghan kissing him, but he needed to ask the person first.
YOU ARE READING
Smile Flower | Jihan
Fanfiction[based on the fictional Hanahaki disease] Joshua felt like he was going to die from the sheer stress of it all and he couldn't stop crying. He wasn't crying out of sadness, but out of anxiety, fear, and physical pain. He was scared out of his mind...
