Stepping Out of Me

26

KIERA

As Kiera trudged into the cafeteria her eyes scanned the room for Lance. She hadn't seen him at all in the morning but his friends were in the cafeteria. Her mind kept running on what she said the last time they spoke. It's like every time she opened her mouth she caused a problem. Kiera couldn't believe she suggested something like that about Lance. She was just too high on emotions and the thought of confronting him to think about what was coming out of her mouth.

"Kieraaaaa..."

Kiera looked at where the voice came from. Luca stared at her with an amused look on his face. "You're zoning out again. Looking for Lance?"

"Yea," Kiera replied. "Have you seen him?"

Luca shook his head. "Halle, where's your brother?"

Halle looked up from her phone at him. Her eyes then switched to Kiera. She didn't have the usual wide-eyed look. Instead, it was replaced by slight annoyance. "He said he didn't feel well."

Kiera nodded. She wondered if his not feeling well had anything to do with her but realized she was just making it about herself.

After classes ended, Kiera decided to find Halle before she went home. She'd seen her throughout the day, but she was stepping into Miss. Afere's office which was a bit strange, and Kiera didn't want to bother her. Since she couldn't contact Lance, she figured Halle could say something to him.

"Hey," Kiera said as she stopped at the girl's car. "I know you said Lance wasn't feeling well, but could you tell him that I said hello."

Halle didn't utter a word but nodded. Though as Kiera turned to leave she said, "Kiera..."

"Yea?" Kiera looked around at her.

"I...why do you only talk to me when you want something? I know you asked me about Mariah so you could talk to him. Well, he's mad at me for telling you anything. I guess I deserve it. And today you only talked to me because Luca asked about him. I know we haven't known each other long so I'm not your favorite person in the world but I thought we were at least friends." she lamented. "I guess maybe if you confided in me it wouldn't feel this bad. I'm not saying you have to, though. But I've already lost one friend because of a relationship with my brother. I don't want that to happen with you too."

Kiera didn't know what to say after she heard those words and saw the sadness in Halle's eyes. She tried to will herself to say something but nothing came out.

Kiera could see the wetness glisten in Halle's eyes before the girl got into her car and drove off. Still she stood there wondering what to say. She wondered how anything she said could've made the situation better. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Why did she have to make ruin every situation she was in? There she was too busy worrying about her problems to realize she was pushing Halle away.

Kiera wanted to do anything she could to make it better but that was easier said than done. As long as she had been there she still found herself keeping secrets from Halle. Telling her anything personal seemed like exposing too much of herself.

* * *

When Kiera arrived at school Monday morning, she couldn't help the thoughts that plagued her. She wondered if Halle told Josie and Luca what happened between them. Surely if they knew they'd pick Halle's side because that's what friends do. However, Kiera's days of having anything close to friends at that school would be done.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, that was her worst nightmare. She had to try and make up with Halle and stop being so selfish.

Kiera didn't have time to finish catastrophizing as she saw Halle, Josie and Luca chatting at their lockers before class. Her arms instinctively folded around her torso as she walked over to them before she could talk herself out of it.