Fatal Wounds

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A matter of seconds is all it took to turn my world quiet. To make everything still. To make nothingness ring in my ears.

The lights, the loud noises, all of it ceases to exist.

Until suddenly it all hits me as I look at the scene before my eyes. Everything hits me. The lights shine bright in my eyes and the noises blare in my ears.

"Oh god." I cry clutching my chest. Oh god oh god oh god. Chills adorn my skin as I watch everything play out before me.

I've never had this much hurt, this much pain sit heavily on my chest. If one were to crack open my chest and pull my heart from its cavity this is surely how it'll feel.

The gnawing ache in my chest bursts to every part of my body as I get a better look. It's right there. Right there. My entire life, just over in a matter of seconds.

I had hoped and hoped I was wrong. My god, why couldn't I have been wrong? Why does it have to end this way?

This pain won't ever leave. This hole in my chest is permanent. With my bleeding heart on the ground there's nothing left to me.

The pain wins. It's brings me to my knees. The harsh gravel digs into my skin. I hardly feel it compared to the raw pain coursing through my veins.

"Why?" The word comes out as a painful sob. Why why why? Every sound that leaves my throat at this point is nothing but a pained sob.

I push my knees further into the gravel. Hoping —yearning — for the slight burn to over power every other feeling. I drop my palms to the ground, heaving, feeling my earlier meal swirl in my stomach.

I barely register the ugly, painful scream piercing my ears as my own. It rips something deep within my soul. The damage done tonight is irreversible.

Nothing, nothing can ever change what tonight's events did to me.

I faintly feel a feather like touch on my shoulder and a soft voice telling me to stop screaming. That I'll hurt my throat.

I want my throat to hurt. I want anything to hurt. Any physical pain would be better than feeling my insides being torn open. Feeling my heart being ripped from my chest and thrown on the floor over and over again. Feeling all my blood pooling out of the hole in my chest.

My sobs are no longer sobs. They're short painful screams.

Short but painful sounding.

The scratching of my throat is barely registering as a metallic taste fills my mouth. I lean back, off of my knees and onto my legs and look at the dark sky.

I close my eyes. I take a deep breath.

It's still there. The pain is like a reminder of what I'd just witnessed. The feeling of having my heart in another's hand, they squeeze the life from it, watching me as I suffer. They toss it to the ground and laugh as I sit here bleeding out. Everything leaves my body from the hole in my chest where my heart used to sit.

My soul drifts into the abyss.

It will stick with me. It will be there as I go on. Every day I live will be in agonizing pain.

I will no longer know days without pain. I will only know the past. The memories that are now in the past, there will be no new memories. No new moments. No new things to share. Only old ones that I can look back on.

That alone sends deeper shards of pain into my body.

I succumb to it. I let it consume me. This is all I'll ever feel.

I bring a hand up to my chest where I feel the most pain. And claw. I claw and claw at the skin, wanting to tear it off.

I keep my eyes close feeling my fingers dig into my skin. Wanting to get the pain away from me. There's only so much I can handle and I'm afraid this is too much.

It'd be too much for anybody.

I'm not sure anymore. Not sure if the shrilling cries and screams are mine. Not sure if the pain in my chest is because my fingers are piercing my skin or because I'm simply experiencing the worst moment of my life. I'm not sure how long I'll live feeling this way. Not sure why I'm losing my breath. Not sure why it burns to try and inhale.

I hear myself cough and splutter, one hand tearing the skin of my chest and the other squeezing my throat. My hands begin to tremble as I helplessly try to remove myself from the pain.

Why isn't it working? Why can't I stop feeling this? What have I done to deserve this?

Tears run down my cheeks. My throat radiates a burning pain due to excessive screaming, the skin of my chest is torn, and I can't breathe.

Is this punishment? What act could deserve me of this punishment? Have I really sinned this bad during my time on earth?

My hands are pried away from my body. Held at my sides as an oxygen mask is placed over my face.

But still, I can't see. My vision is blurred. Spotted. Obscured.

I have a feeling that's how I'll see the world for the rest of my time.

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To be continued . . . at the end of the book✌️

Have a nice day! ♡