Fatal Wounds

46

Valentina

"Hi, Theo." I say quietly, the force of my voice hurting my throat only a little. Theo's been asleep for twenty two days. It's now the middle of October and doctor's still don't know when he'll wake up.

They took him off his breathing tube, he can breathe on his own again which did mange to give me some hope just when I was losing my grasp on it.

It's also my first time coming to the hospital alone to see him. Usually I drag Brooke along or join his mom. Today I wanted to come alone so I could tell Theo that we're having baby. Doctors aren't sure if he can hear or not but in the case that he can, I want him to know.

"I um," I clear my throat feeling it a little sore. "I'm feeling better. Physically at least." I take a seat at the edge of his bed and reach up to move over his hair. It's soft and untangled and getting a bit long. His doctor has asked me if I ever wanted to help her wash or cut his hair to let her know. I'm a bit too scared of hurting him though. So I've only ever watched them wash it. "The cuts on my knees and chest are healing. It's leaving some scars though."

I move a finger over his smooth skin on his face that's been shaved. "You look handsome." I whisper feeling my eyes burn with tears. I tell him he looks handsome and he tells me I look beautiful but now he can't tell me. "I miss you so much. Your voice, your pretty eyes, your compliments. All of it Theo." My voice cracks and my lips wobble, no matter how hard I try, the pain always brings me to tears. He's alive yet... he's not.

I grab his hand. It's heavy and I bring it to my lap, I press his palm to my lower belly. "That's my stomach." I tell him. "I'm pressing your hand against my stomach." I take a few deep breaths and swallow my fear that for some reason chokes me when I think of my pregnancy. I haven't told anyone but Brooke because I simply can't say it. "That's- Theo I-" a whimper crawls up my throat, "there's a baby in there."

There's no response. But then again I knew there wouldn't be. I'm just hoping he can hear. "Our baby." I manage, a broken whisper.

•••

"I'm fine." I tell Brooke.

"You're not." She says, "get up." She reaches for my arm and gently pulls me from the couch. "Tomorrow is Thanksgiving." She stresses, "you're coming to my house. So is Leo."

I press my face into the pillow when I feel a wave of sadness hit me. Theo isn't having Thanksgiving, why should I?

"Brian invited Camilla and Oliver." She tells me softly, "they're expecting you there."

When she hears a sniffle I hear her pained sigh, she crouches down to hug me on the couch. "I can't imagine how you're feeling Vale. I really can't so I'm not going to say I understand."

"It hurts." I murmur. "My heart hurts. My head hurts. I just want him back and I don't even know if I ever will have him back."

I can't bear sleeping in our bed. I tried and I ended up sobbing into his side where I could only smell traces of his scent. Ever since then I've slept on the couch.

"How about this." Brooke says lowly in my ear, "if you get ready right now I'll tell Brian to make a detour and we'll stop by the hospital."

I nod and turn over letting our eyes meet. "I am thankful for you Brooke. Everything you do, you make it better." This time she gets teary eyed, "you're the best sister a girl can ask for." She makes the unbearable bearable.

She smiles and helps me off the couch. I put on a presentable outfit and do my hair.

It's become routine for me to place Theo's hand on my belly when I visit him. I give him updates to make it feel like it's the both of us doing this together. "I hit fourteen weeks and three days." I tell him, "I heard the heartbeat." I swallow thickly, "I'll have a recording next time so you can hear it as well."