Fatal Wounds

47

Valentina

My ring glints in the sun. Warmth envelops my limbs as I walk out of my house. The energy seeps into my bones yet I can't find it in me to be anything but numb.

It's May. May eighteenth. I'm due in a week. The closer we get to the date the more I dread for it to come.

I sit in a chair, on the patio, facing the backyard. My back pain is getting worse, I had to sleep in our bed last night. I changed our sheets, they no longer smelt like him.

My belly looks like it's about to pop. It's big. Catalina has gotten big and her dad wasn't here to witness it.

I run my hands over my bump feeling a responsive shift. She seems to gravitate towards my palms. She loves it when there's a hand on my belly. She loves being talked to. She loves feeling Theo's warmth. She also loves when Emilia is placed on my belly.

I try to enjoy the sun knowing in a week I'll be confined to the hospital. All alone in the labor and delivery ward. Brooke and Brian have a five month old at home, neither of them can stay with me. Dad can't sleep comfortably on the couches and I don't want him to since it causes him pain. Crystal has a one year old at home and has an appointment to implant an embryo in her, the last step of her IVF for their second child.

I'll be alone. I won't give birth alone. But in the days following I'll be alone. At night, I'll be alone. I'll enter motherhood, alone.

"I'm doing it for you." I whisper to my belly. "For us. Mi Bebé."

Theres a dull ache behind my eyes when I remember the doctor's words. "It's been more than a few weeks. It's been months. Theo isn't showing signs of progression. There's an increased risk of brain damage. Typically when comas last this long, they lead to the patient becoming brain dead, legally dead."

"Brain dead?" Camilla asks fearfully. Oliver swallows thickly, tears brimming his eyes as he looks over at his son.

The doctor nods solemnly. I close my eyes briefly, feeling the world crumble around me. "He'll enter a vegetative state. Machines will help him, they'll breathe for him. Once that time arrives you'll have to choose to either leave him on the ventilator or unplug all life support."

"He'll die." I croak, "he'll be dead." If we unplug the machines Theo will die. He won't breathe, he won't have a heart beat, he'll be put underground and the only way to visit him will be going to the cemetery.

"I wouldn't worry as of now. He isn't progressing but he's also not regressing."

But if he's not progressing that means he will regress.

I close my eyes. Tilt my head back, and for a minute I imagine Theo beside me. I imagine us together, enjoying the week before we become parents. He touches my stomach, whispers to our daughter how excited he is to meet her. He tells her about her room, how it's set up and ready for her arrival.

I put the nursery together. Brian and Oliver put the furniture together, my dad, Brooke, Camilla and I painted the walls. I organized everything the way I wanted and closed the door, leaving it ready for my baby girl.

I put the small teddy bear sweater Theo picked out in my hospital bag yesterday. I'm going to put it on her when we leave the hospital. Everything is ready for her arrival, her room is ready, her clothes are washed, there's a bassinet by my bed. Camilla said she'd be delighted to make me some meals I can have for the first few weeks. My dad has offered to stay over. Oliver assured me if I needed anything I could ask him for it since I would technically be on maternity leave yet get no pay since I work for myself. Brooke and Brian offered me one of their guest rooms so they could help me adjust since they just went through the newborn stage. Crystal's giving me as much advice as she can, telling me all the secrets and tips.