Awaken (Hermitcraft Fanfiction)

XXI. Denial

TW: mentions of death, slight blood, slight injuries

Pearl woke to Impulse's arms around her. He lifted her slowly, taking her off the cold, but comfortable, floor of the Void. She pushed his chest, swinging her legs to the side to stand on her own. The sight of blood on the sheets before Gem rolled them up was enough to force her legs to give out, and Impulse's steadying arm was the only reason she didn't find herself laying in the muck.

What... happened? she thought, silently insisting that she could walk on her own.

"That's not a good idea, Pearl," Impulse cautioned. "You're still tired."

"I'm not." Her words came out harsher than intended. Impulse renewed his grip on her arm and pulled it over his head, forcing her to lean on him more. "Impulse, I'm fine." This time, anger was present in her words as she pulled away.

"Pearl, it is better for you to rely on others," Xisuma said quietly, having just walked up behind them. "You are weak, although you deny it. It is better to deal with grief now than in the future." He carried a staff with him, wrapped in teal rings and designs.

Pearl shook her head, hesitantly reaching for it before drawing back abruptly. "You're going to give it back to him, right? He's gone to the End or the Nether, and he'll be back in a little bit." She nodded vigorously, saying, "He always comes back."

Xisuma's eyes were filled with pain as he sheathed the glaive and tucked it away in the locked portion of his inventory; not even death would part him from it. "Do not deceive yourself," he said calmly.

Cold gripped Pearl as she heard the parroted words. "That's a lie. He's coming back. Is it because he died? He'll respawn. That's how it works. Maybe we just have to put his spectator and body back together. We need to find it."

"Pearl..." Gem said slowly, restraining her on the opposite side as she started forward, searching the Void. "Pearl, he's gone. X is right. It hurts a lot, but if we confront our feelings now, it'll help us celebrate the person he was."

"Is. Person he is. And no, it doesn't hurt. I know he's coming back." She pushed Gem off and set to work forcing Impulse to release her hand.

"Pearl." Xisuma's voice was low and sorrowful. "You are tired. If you believe it is necessary, you may search for him after you have rested. Perhaps it will help you come to terms with the truth."

"I'm rested enough," she insisted.

"Pearl, I forbid you from walking."

"What?!"

"You are not allowed to walk until we have seen the ceremony through. Impulse, are you able to carry her?" Impulse nodded, picking her up effortlessly.

"X, you can't stop me."

"I can't?" he asked, azure magic threatening to break loose as emotions battled within. "Your magic is depleted, you can barely take a step, and one of your wings is useless," he continued, gesturing to the bandaged limb. "There is only so much I can do regarding healing; the rest must be done by your body in its own time."

"X, I need to do something. If he's lost, I need to find him."

"And you can do that after our traditional ritual. If it will help you come to terms with your grief, I will permit it, but it must wait until we conclude our celebrations of his life." Xisuma sighed, turning toward the portal several meters away. "Come. We are already the last to step through to the next season."

The sun blinded the four of them as they stepped through, the portal to the Void sealing itself behind them as Xisuma released the spell keeping it in place. The hermits stood in a circle around a shrouded body with a teal ring upon its chest laying on a bed of moss carpet. Grian stood behind it, the butt of his halberd resting on the ground between his feet. Xisuma went to join him, drawing the glaive and holding it like Grian.