When He Saved Me

f o u r t e e n

Everyone was asleep and I was not yet again. I was exhausted but I was terrified of having another nightmare. I got out of bed, grabbed a bikini and my makeup, and changed sneaking past Jules and Brooke so I don't wake them.

I go downstairs and out the back door hoping Ashers is not awake this time.

I step into the pool and immediately feel my body relax. It feels like I'm always tensed up waiting for the other shoe to drop, but when I feel the water hit my skin it is like all my problems wash away hence, the reason showers were my escape when I lived with Cade and my parents.

I hear the back door open and close and someone sits down at the edge of the pool. I know who it is I can smell the cigarette smoke.

"You gonna acknowledge I'm here love or are you gonna ignore me? Don't get shy on me now when you basically tried to climb me earlier." Asher says laughing. I turn around and face him. 

"I'm debating. Sometimes if you ignore things they go away." I say shrugging my shoulders. "Touche." He laughs.

"You know cigarettes are bad for you." I say swimming closer. "No really? That's news to me." He says sarcastically. I roll my eyes at him. We just stare at each other for a second.

He breaks the silence. "What are the bruises from Madison." I shake my head. "Oh my god you just never stop do you?" I laugh. "Don't avoid the question." "I'm not avoiding the question. I've already answered your question multiple times. I've told you where they are from so stop asking." I swim away from him.

He strips off his shirt and extinguishes the cigarette. He jumps in and I swim faster he easily catches up to me. He grabs my arms and pulls me to face him. "I don't believe you but I am here when you are ready to talk about it. A wise person once told me that everyone deserves to be heard." 

I smile. "A wise person once told me stop pretending like you're someone that you're not."

"Did you just compliment me." He asks smirking.

"Fuck off why do you have to be such an asshole?" I mutter but he hears it.

"Why do you have to be so difficult all the time?"

"Why did you come out here if you're just gonna try and start shit." I say exasperated. God I can't stand him.

"I didn't come out here for you princess despite what you may believe not everything is about you." He bites back.

"Right because I'm just a self absorbed spoiled brat right." I say trying to pretend that those words don't hurt. 

I try and shake off his grip but he doesn't let me. "Please Asher just leave me alone okay."

I storm off. I can't deal with his shit today. I feel his eyes on me watching me leave.

When I finally reach the safety of my room I grab a change of clothes and make a run for the bathroom to take a quick shower. 

The water falling over me and I shut my eyes for a second welcoming the feeling of peace I get as the warm water continues to fall instantly warming my cold body. 

As the water falls I let the tears fall too. Cade hated seeing me cry I think it made him feel guilty and he didn't like that feeling or maybe not. I never understood Cade. I never understood what it is about me that pissed him off so much and I never truly understood what I could do to make it stop and I had wanted it to stop so badly I wanted him to look at me the way he had before that first night that he hit me. 

That first night had changed everything. I remember it so clearly and most of all I remember the way he laughed after he recovered from the shock. I remember the fear that ran through my body as he stood over me laughing. When he helped me up I forced a laugh out trying to show his that I was okay and that I knew he didn't mean to.

Later that night when I thought he was asleep he had kissed my forehead and whispered that that would never happen again.

That was a lie because it happened again just two days later and even after that I forgave him and believed him when he said he would stop and he didn't mean to.

But it never stopped and I continued making excuses and my body and my mind continued to go numb after each encounter and I tolerated it until I looked at myself in the mirror and knew that every word he spoke about me was true I was worthless, I was ugly, and no one would love me and I convinced myself I had to stay.

I stepped out of the shower my peace interrupted by my thoughts. When I changed I ran back to my room and allowed my body to sink into the soft mattress.

I tried to keep myself from falling asleep but I was exhausted I hadn't slept in days.

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

— Nightmare —

"Stop please, please stop." I whimper. "Shut the fuck up whore." Cade yanks my hair back. He's inside me and holding me down. I'm trapped. It hurts so bad i just want it all to end. Pain shoots up and down my leg as he thrusts in and out.

I try and close my eyes and imagine I'm somewhere else but the pain keeps bringing me back. It always does. His hands are gripping my hips. I know I'll be bruised tomorrow. He's grunting against me. "You are worthless you know that? I am the only person who will tolerate you nobody else wants you. Not even your own parents loved you."

"Your own dad raped you and you know why? Because you are a disgusting whore thats all you are and all you ever will be."

I had opened up to him about my parents when I first fell in love with him. Back when I didn't know the type of person that he was.

Since then I've learned its better to stay quiet and not open up to people because it only ends in getting hurt.

I bite back the tears he won't see me fall apart I won't let him because that is what he wants. He craves the feeling that he gets when he tears people down enough to where they crumble because then he is able to control them. They are left completely defenseless.

I startle awake panting and sobbing. My breathing gets heavier my throat starts closing in I know whats about to happen. I can't breathe.

I feel someone grab my hands. I meet Nicky's eyes. "Its okay Madison I'm here. Breathe you're okay. You're safe." My breathing calms.

Nicky pulls me into her arms and I just cry and she lets me. "Its okay love let it out. You're safe." she strokes my hair soothingly. Eventually I fall back asleep.