When He Saved Me

t w e n t y - e i g h t

I sit on the floor of the shower just letting the water pour down on me.  Nicky is sitting on the bathroom floor just a few feet away. Ever since the incident I've lost my showering alone privileges.

"You okay in there?" Nicky asks softly. I hesitate before quietly answering. "I'm okay."

My heart aches to talk to Nicky to let it all out but something always holds me back. I hate the question are you okay because I am always unsure of how to answer. Do they want the real answer or the fake smile? I know Nicky's concern is genuine everything about Nicky is genuine She is the type of person if any that I could trust but I am terrified.

I force myself to stand up and finish my shower. I dry myself off and wrap myself and give Nicky the all clear to turn away from the wall.

She turns towards me and smiles her worried smile. "Mads have you gotten any sleep babe you look exhausted?" 

"Not really." I sigh and sit down on the toilet seat. Every night my night is filled with night terrors and I haven't been able to keep anything down since I told my brother I would go to trial. The court date is tomorrow. My lawyer who my brother hired spent hours prepping me but nothing is going to prepare me to face him.

"I'm so scared Nicky." I sob my face falling to my hands.

"Oh honey." Nicky comes over to me squatting in front of me. "Its gonna be okay love we're all gonna be there the whole time you don't even have to look at him look at us. We'll be sitting front row."

I nod my head still sobbing. "Babe you are the strongest woman I have ever known and I know that you are going to get through this and you are going to come out the other side." 

She wraps her arms around me hugging me making me feel safe in a way that I wish my mother had.

"Come on let me dry your hair and I'll text Noah to bring up some food." I nod my head and follow her to my room where she sits me down in front of the mirror and pulls out the blow dryer.

I stare at myself in the mirror as Nicky stands behind me drying my hair.

I haven't seen him since that horrible night I don't know how I'm gonna be able to face him.

My brother and the other don't know the extent of the abuse I faced and I don't know that I want them to know.

I hear the door opening behind us and hear Noahs footsteps come in as he sets a tray of food down next to us. 

I watch him exchange a worried glance towards Nicky and then leave the room.

"Do you want to take a break and try and eat something?" Nicky asks turning the blow dryer off.

I just shake my head. "Babe you gotta eat something you have barely eaten anything the past few days."

A tear slips from the corner of my eye. "I know but I can't." 

Nicky sighs. "Its okay let's finish your hair and we'll try after."

I nod my head and force as much of a smile as I can manage.

After Nicky finishes drying my hair she sits with me for a little bit trying to get me to eat but its no use. 

I feel so numb like I'm frozen and everything around me is moving but I can't.

Nicky finally leaves me alone and I sink down in my bed.

I hear them talking about me outside my door.

"How is she doing?" My brother asks. "She's not doing good Jake I'm really worried about her she won't eat, she can't sleep, the trial is tomorrow and she can barely stand on her own." Nicky says softly.

"This is all my fault I should never have pushed her to do the trial." I hear my brother. 

"The trial needs to happen Jake, he has to face the consequences of what he has done and Mads knows that otherwise she never would have agreed to do it this is not your doing but his." Noah chimes in.

"Its so hard to see her like this." Jake says. "She used to be so happy or at least I thought she was happy."

That sentence unleashes all the emotions I had been trying to keep under control. I sob in my bed with my hand over my mouth trying to keep the others from hearing.

I eventually tire myself out and fall asleep.

-------- Trigger Warning Nightmare --------

I smell his breath on my face it reeks of alcohol. His hand grips my thigh his nails digging into my skin, the short dress I chose to wear trying to impress Cade but ended up just pissing him off riding up. 

"Cade please." I sob. 

Cade just laughs from the distance. 

"If you're gonna act like a slut you can be treated like one." He shouts laughing from his place across the room a blonde sitting on his lap laughing with him.

His friend climbs on top of me laughing. "Let me show you how a real man feels baby." His hand comes up to my throat closing my airway. I feel myself panicking trying to gasp for air.

I feel his other hand all over me pulling my dress up further. "No please." I say softly his hand still tightening around my throat. Tears falling faster.

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I wake up sobbing clutching my chest. I can't breathe. Everything's dark.

I hear my door slam open. 

"Mads." I feel someone touch my arm.

"No don't please." I beg.

"Mads it's me." Asher says softly. "You're okay, you're safe."

"Breathe baby, what do you feel?" He asks.

"Asher it's you?" I ask softly.

"Yes baby open your eyes its okay."

I slowly open my eyes still panting trying to catch my breath.

I see him staring back at me concern in his eyes.

"Try and slow your breathing you're safe."

I nod my head and he places my hand on his chest."Take deep breaths with me."

He takes deep breaths with me until my breathing eventually slows down to normal.

"The nightmares won't go away. They're never gonna stop." I sob.

He gets in the bed next to me and pulls me into his arms.

My head rests on his chest. "You're gonna be okay Mads you're safe okay I have you and nothing is ever going to hurt you again."

Those words give me the comfort I need to fall back asleep.