When He Saved Me

t w e n t y - o n e

It's been a few days since I was discharged when we had gotten back to the house Jake and Noah helped me to my room and for most of the day, they left me alone.

A couple of times each day someone would come in the room and try and get me to eat but I would turn them away and they'd leave. I just wanted to sleep. I liked sleep because when I was asleep I couldn't think.

I couldn't think about the fact that I allowed myself to be abused and that I allowed my baby to die. I couldn't think about the fact that maybe the baby was better off dead than having me as a mother.

Because those thoughts would then make me think of my mother the woman I swore never to become but looking back I realize she is exactly who I became.

A woman who knew the hand her children were being dealt by her husband the same man that abused and used her and yet she did nothing. She made no action to leave and I guess I somewhat understand why she didn't because I did the same thing.

When you fall so deeply in love with someone you ignore all the bad days and focus on the good. You hold out hope that one day there will be no bad days but that day never comes. Because the good days are always an act. An act to keep your hopes just high enough that you'll stay.

The good days will always come when you threaten to leave because when those days come and he shows kindness and gentleness, you'll start to remember the beginning of the relationship when that was all that he showed you and all thoughts of leaving are erased from your mind.

I wish I would have left sooner. I should have left sooner because then maybe it wouldn't hurt as much as it does right now.

I close my eyes and try and block out the thoughts rushing through my brain. But sleep never comes the thoughts don't stop.

Finally I get up and make my way to the bathroom to take a shower. Showers always help me escape.

I let the water run over my hair and my shoulders. All of the sudden my vision gets blurry and my my mind starts to blank everything around me seems like its moving in slow motion. I feel my legs giving out and I collapse. Everything is dark.

--- Ashers Pov ---

Everyone went out to go get something to eat and to get out of the house Jake was going to stay behind to keep an eye on Madison but I knew he needed a break so I offered to stay back instead.

This thing with Madison was taking its toll on everyone but no one would admit it.

I'm focused on the tv in front of me when I hear a crash from upstairs. "Fuck" I race up the stairs and check her room. She's not in there so I race to the bathroom.

When I open the door steam comes from the shower the water still running. I pull back the curtain and she's huddled on the floor. She looks so fragile like skin and bones.

When was the last time she ate. She's been refusing food for days. I grab a towel and wrap it around her averting my eyes and pick her up in my arms.

I go to take her to her bed but I remember her sheets probably haven't been changed for awhile so I take her to my bed.

"Mads come on love open your eyes." I lightly pat her face and she opens her eyes. "Good girl."

"What happened?" she whimpers. "Its alright you just passed out in the shower you're okay."

I set her down and pull the covers over her. I grab one of my sweatshirts. "Arms up there you go." I pull it over her head. I run downstairs and grab some leftover soup Nicky had made and a bottle of water.

When I get back up the stairs she's just staring blankly at the wall curled up in a ball.

"Alright Mads sit up you gotta eat something." "No."

"Don't give me shit right now Madison you're fucking eating. You haven't eaten in days."

"No I don't deserve it just leave me alone Asher!" She bite back a sob breaking free. "Oh Mads no no don't say that."

She sobs harder. "I killed my baby. It's my fault. I don't deserve to eat." She whimpers.

I kneel in front of her. "Madison look at me." I grab her chin and force her to look me in the eyes. Her eyes are red and puffy and it kills me. The bags under her eyes showing she hasn't slept the past couple of days probably scared of having nightmares.

"Baby you did not kill your child none of this is your fault you didn't ask for any of this." I sit her up and wipe her eyes.

"Open." I put the spoon full of soup to her lips and she hesitantly opens. "Thats my girl."

I put the water to her lips and she drinks.

After she finished her soup and water I go to leave but she stops me. "Ash." She whispers it I barely hear it.

"Yes?" I turn around and face her. "Please don't leave me alone. Please stay."

"Okay." I put the dishes back on the nightstand and get in the bed beside her. Dirty dishes are the last of my worries.

Her body snuggles up against me and within minutes quiet snores escape her and I know she's asleep.

I allow myself to close my eyes for just a minute I haven't slept much the last couple of days either.

--- Jakes Pov ---

When we get home Asher is nowhere to be seen. I run upstairs to check on Madison. She's gone. What the fuck.

I run out shouting for Noah. "Noah Madisons gone!"

"Shut up Jake." Nicky shushes me from where she's peaking into Ashers room. "They're both in here sound asleep."

"Mads is asleep?" "See for yourself." Nicky opens the door wider. Madison is sound asleep with her head resting on Ashers chest.

"Lets leave them alone." Nicky ushers me out.