Kamaiyah and Chris have been through the storm. Lost one another and found themselves right where they needed eachother. Kids, Divorce and Death couldn't keep them apart... but can they put that all behind them to build their forever? And will the g...
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Today was a big day. It was Riva's funeral. She 'mysteriously' fell 55 feet from the balcony of the airbnb she was staying in while vacationing in St. Tropez for her baby moon with her boyfriend. I could barely function this morning. With all the things i'd been through, and the people i'd lost - this felt by far like the most avoidable and that was the biggest pill to swallow.
Why didn't she just leave? I practically did everything, but kill him myself. I offered her a place to stay, begged her to leave, told her she could move into Chris and I's old condo, everything. But she just couldn't leave him alone, even while knowing she was pregnant and had a life to protect, and what hurt the most was knowing he'd never see justice - he maintained that they went out to dinner the night she died, and he was drunk when they got back - they fell asleep and next he heard were the screams from other guests and tenants in the building which woke him up. I knew Riva - she wasn't suicidal especially not at 5 months pregnant. Her death was ruled a suicide, but Caine not showing up today was all the confirmation anyone needed that he was guilty.
"How you holding up mama?" Chris asked sweetly coming up close to me in our bed and kissed my shoulder.
"As best as I can." I said plainly and he sighed with his head in my neck.
"I feel terrible. I can't believe this for real." He said and I felt his tear fall on my shoulder before turning slightly to look up at him.
"I'm sorry babe, I know you need me to be strong for you right now." He said and i furrowed my brows.
"Don't apologise. I'm just in shock. I don't think i could cry anymore even if I wanted to." I told him honestly and wiped his face before turning back in his arms.
"You know, after Keeis died i felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I felt like I basically killed him myself - at the time I wanted to blame you, but the truth is, the only person to blame was the person who shot the bullet..." He started, and the mention of Keeis name made the hair on my neck stand up. It was still a sensitive topic and I know Chris made sure to let me know he didn't hate me for it anymore, but I knew a part of him still did.
"Caine was my people, and you were right. I should've spoke up sooner. I should've done something." He broke down and in that moment I knew I was talking to a friend whose heart was broken, a child who wished he could go back and defend his mother and a man who would die to protect his daughters.
"Shhh, Chris this is not on you. This isn't on us, we did what we could- she knew we cared about her, but these things happen. What Riva's legacy needs from us is a voice - you have a platform babe, you know how many women and children you can help by not shying away from this?" I told him with his face now in my hands and he looked up at me with his blurry vision before nodding.
"They will call me all kinds of shit if I tried to play the saviour card Kam and you know it." He said tightly, clearly attempting to calm his emotions and i shook my head.
"You're not trying to do anything, you own your own narrative and you're not doing anything alone. I'm your wife, I'm your right hand - this means just as much to me as it does to you... Let's do something that makes the world better for the children we're raising." I told him and he wrapped his arms around me, pushing his head in my chest.
"I love you so much baby. I promise i'll never do anything to hurt you again." he said lowly and i kissed his forehead before he fell to sleep. And I just laid there.
-
5 months later
"I'm so proud of you baby." I told Chris as we stood in the reception of his newly opened housing facility. Symphonic love was the charity he'd started years before with Mama J and Aunty Christine which over time he'd gotten too busy to care for, but today he opened the doors to 55 mothers and their children who were victims of domestic abuse. I could never had imagined Riva's death - murder would give birth to something so amazing, but one thing about God, is he could turn lemons to lemonade.
"I could never have done this without you Kam. Thank you." He said looking down at me and I had to raise my hand to wipe his tear.
"When did you start being more of a crier than me?!" I joked and he kissed my palm.
"I just don't know how I got so lucky." He said back making both of us burst into laughter.
-
"Girl, so when is this damn wedding? it's been a God damn year and a half - I know I said not to rush but shit. I need dates, locations, colour themes, SOMETHING!" Neesha shouted as we sat watching the kids in the pool. Heiress was here from New York this week so we set up a play day.
"You know what, I don't even know for real. We started planning after Mama and Von's wedding - but after Riva died, everything kinda just went quiet and with all the work we've been doing with the charity, and you know my man is still one of the most booked and busy artists in the game. I don't know, it just feels like the time is never right." I admitted and she rolled her eyes.
"You take every chance you get to remind us your man is Chris Brown, like girl, get over it."
"Never!" I joked back and she waved me off.
"For real though Kam... what's stopping you?" she said getting a little more serious and I sighed.
"I don't know girl. This is, a lot. I want to get married, I want to so bad. But I also feel like what I thought I wanted when we got engaged, versus what I want now are different. I don't want to get married and get divorced. I want more children, I don't even think I can conceive again - Chris says he's okay with it, but I also know that we're both still young and if he decides at 38, or 40 that he wants more kids and I can't give him that, he could change." I finished and for a moment she sighed.
"Girl, shut the fuck up." She said plainly and I furrowed my brows at her.
"You just have to make everything more complimented than need be, every God damn time. First you don't want no more kids, then you don't want no more till you're married, then you get engaged and you don't want to get married till you know you can have more kids?! You already got two with him, he says he's cool not having anymore then trust that!" She ranted and for a moment I let her words settle.
"Chris loves you, he would do anything to make you happy Kam, because that's what makes him happy, but he wants to marry you, that's it. Not so y'all can have a zoo of kids and start jackson 5. Stop thinking there are concessions to his commitment to you." She told me and I sighed again before she pulled me into a hug.
"You're enough. Marry that man." She said into my ear and I nodded when she pulled away.
