Kamaiyah and Chris have been through the storm. Lost one another and found themselves right where they needed eachother. Kids, Divorce and Death couldn't keep them apart... but can they put that all behind them to build their forever? And will the g...
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"Hey." I said from the bed, watching as Chris pushed his feet into his sneakers. He didn't respond. He was up super early - the sun hadn't even come up yet. I couldn't believe how quickly the tables had turned, yesterday he was begging my love back, and now all of a sudden I was the bad guy?
"You can be mad at me you know? I told you about V-" I started then stopped myself, adding extra details by even saying Vince's name in our home felt uncalled for.
"... I told you because I knew I had to if we were going to get anywhere. I can only apologise for my actions - but I can't be here mad at you, and you mad at me and we're just mad... I'm willing to try and fix us, after everything, after a whole baby. I can't tell you how to feel about me sleeping with someone else, but if it's going to mean you treat me like shit forever, then let's just walk away from this completely." I said from the bed and his back hunched as he took my words in.
"When was the last time?... That you were with him?" He said turning his head so i could see the side of his face.
"...A couple days ago." I edged out and I saw him shake his head into his lap.
"I didn't think my feelings would change so quickly. I didn't know i'd be here, feeling how I do. Wanting to fight - I thought I was done. I would've never did it otherwise."
"And you felt like that was your queue to go fuck someone else?! Because you felt like we wouldn't work?!" He shouted over my speech and I flinched at his change in demeanour.
"We're married Kamaiyah. You think I ain't want to be fucking bitches out here? All this time - you kept me on ice, I was waiting, I was waiting for you! You could've told me you were done enough to step outside of our marria-"
"Don't you dare go pointing fingers at me, you're not innocent in this, you're not!"
"You fucked my head up. I would've never done that - I would've never done anything to hurt you. I was so broken. The only thing I had left to give away was my body. I just wanted to feel something."
"And it was that easy? What he do huh? Tell you, you were beautiful, took you on a date, bought you flowers? How easy was it for him Kam? To get you on your back?" He scolded and I shook my head then.
"...If you want to call me a whore just say that, don't be passive aggressive." I pushed back and he shook his head again.
"I'm just confused Kam. I never want to disrespect you, but I can't act like i'm cool just taking this shit on the chin i'm a man. The thought of you laid up with a nigga that's not me is just... I'm devastated." He said honestly and I sighed raising my body up to crawl over to where he sat, and when I went to touch him he moved from my grasp.
"I can't promise you i'll ever forget...but I love you and I want us to work." He said looking back up to meet my watering glare and I nodded too emotional to speak before he stood up and left.
-
2 months later
"You killed it babe." I said with my arms around my husband - it had been 2 months since I returned home and after a month of serious work on our relationship through communication and counselling, it felt like we were on the right path to being back to normal.
"Thank you." He said sweetly looking back down at me and I leaned up to kiss his cheek. He had just finished a huge show out in Toronto and me and the kids had come out for it. He'd been touring for 3 weeks, after not doing any shows for almost 20 months to focus on our family. I appreciated all of Chris' sacrifices, especially where his career was concerned and I prayed he knew so.
The past two months had been a whirlwind so it felt good to just finally feel like things were picking back up across the board.
"You ready to get out of here? I have something planned for you." I told him sweetly - he'd been off stage a while and had spent time with the kids, plus it was way past their bed time.
"Yeah, you ready?" He said down at me and I nodded before we kissed the kids bye and headed out.
-
"You don't think its crazy we known each other almost our entire lives and still find things to talk about?"
"And argue about." He joked back and I giggled at his slight.
"I'm serious baby... I'm glad we're putting in the work to make this last." I said taking his hand in mine and he leaned forward to kiss me.
"I am too...I wouldn't want to do it with no one else." He said sitting back in his seat and I sighed.
"...I'll be ready soon. I promise." He said once we'd sat in the noise of our own thoughts for a while.
"I'll take your lead babe." I told him honestly. Chris being so unsettled with the idea of us being intimate again was challenging. He'd done his best to not make me feel bad, but his continuous ignoring of my advances and avoidance of anything even slightly sexual was tough. I hated that i'd done this to us and i hated even more that he was still working though the pain of that situation.
I'd asked him countless times if he was still even attracted to me and he was always so quick to affirm me, but his actions said otherwise so I was really just up in the air when it came to that area of things. But I was glad we were in a better place overall - we had time, we'd work our way back like we always did.
-
"You alright?" He asked rubbing down my back as I puked out the dinner we had the night before.
"Mmmm no." I said honestly and his worried eyes softened when I spoke.
"You been sick a while?" He asked bending to my level in the hotels bathroom and I shook my head.
"I been nauseous for like a week, but I didn't think anything of it - I thought it was because I started working out again." I told him and he sighed.
"Why you ain't say you ain't been feeling right Kam?" He asked clearly agitated and I shrugged.
"I didn't think anything of it honestly." I told him back and he stood back up.
"...You sure you not pregnant?" He asked bluntly and I shook my head quickly.
"God no. Definitely not pregnant." I said almost certain not even letting him finish speaking and he chuckled.
"... Did you use a condom?" He asked with his back to me and I stood up to wash my mouth out.
"What?" I asked from behind him and he turned back to me slowly.
"Did you use a condom with that nigga Kam. Don't make this harder than it needs to be." he forced out and I watched his eyes fill up with anger waiting on me to respond - I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud.
"I can't remember." I mumbled and his hands lifted to my arms and pressed down on them as he shook me. He wanted to hurt me.
"What you mean you don't remember Kam, THINK!" He shouted as i squealed in tears.
"I think so, a fews times we did, i don't know" I cried as he let me fell to the ground.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I cried from the ground and I watched him leave the bathroom. I couldn't be pregnant - I mean I could, but I couldn't be. What would I do if I were? I wasn't having any more children - not after everything.
Right now I didn't know what to do or think. I could have really just fucked my whole life up - for good this time.
