Ira
"So, who was the prankster today?" Ansh filled out the post-operative formalities of our previous surgery.
"Me." I giggled signing the documents on the nurse's station. "I dressed up Coco in a dinosaur costume and put him on Ahaan's chest in the morning while he was still asleep. When he woke up, he got so scared, he almost threw Coco off him." I clapped my hands, laughing.
It had been a month since my wedding. Ahaan and I had shifted into a comfortable space. As decided before, we were living like friends, like roommates. Just like the first day, we've played pranks on each other daily, except no one other than us knew it. It was just our thing. We would play pranks on each other, roast each other's ass off and pet Coco. We were like a platonic couple. We'd sleep in the same room but there was no physical contact and we had Coco. He was our child.
The only problem? Who would get the custody of this child after divorce?
"Is Coco okay?" he asked chuckling as we walked to the O.R.
"Obviously. I won't let anything happen to my kiddo." Coco was a month old now and every day he was getting stronger and cuter. He was already everyone's favourite. He'd sleep with me and Ahaan (whoever slept on the bed). He'd have lunch with Dadu and Dadi, he'd go on a walk with Bhai or Karan, and play with Aariv, and because Reet had returned to her college for her final exams, she Facetimeed him daily. He was like the family's most trusted son. And I might sound insane but I think he understands what we talk.
By the time the surgery ended, it was dark and I was totally exhausted. I had a 24-hour shift, which I spent in just one meal and a zillion cups of coffee. I hate how much this job sucked the life out of me. But I loved it too much to give up.
"You mind some coffee?" Ansh and I walked out of the scrub room.
"I have drunk so much caffeine in the last 24 hours, if I see one more cup I will murder someone with the coffee maker."
"Uh oh." He raised his hands in surrender. "Then let me get a cup and maybe you can eat something."
"No, please. I just wanna go home and pass out." I was so tired if someone asked me what time it was right now, I won't be able to tell.
"But I need to get some work done and Muskaan too will complete her shift after an hour."
"It's ok. I'll take the metro." I give his shoulder a pat before bidding him goodbye and move towards the exit via the Emergency Room. The hospital has many exits, but the doctors are supposed to sign before leaving.
"How was your day Mrs. Iyer?" I asked the nurse on duty.
"Same as always. Stupid people either ride at a speed high enough to fly and get stuck on trees for us to treat or they eat something stupid and then complain about how their shit won't pass." She passed me the register. We all know how hectic a day can be in the ER. It was one of the reasons why I didn't wanna choose trauma surgery as my speciality. It's too emotionally, mentally and physically draining. It's a train of people continuously coming in.
"That bastard ruined our lives. I will never forgive him." I turned back to see a mother sobbing at the bedside of some child.
"What happened there?" I asked Mrs.Iyer.
"Some asshole raped the poor soul. The girl is in her early teens. The parents left her at home with the househelp and he abused her. Poor girl had to go under operation." I couldn't hear a word after that.
The world around me faded and old memories came flooding back.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This can't be happening.
NO
Panic flooded my veins and I ran from there. I don't know how I reached the metro station and took the metro home. I don't remember running home from there.
I need to be somewhere safe or they will find me.
Somehow I reached the Jindal estate and took the elevator to the 10th floor of the home building.
I couldn't face everyone in my current state and Ahaan won't be home right now. I need to protect myself cause no one will.
No one ever did.
I don't remember reaching my room and locking it from inside. I don't remember throwing my bag or I pull the drapes shut and sitting in the corner behind the Eames lounge chair with a blanket I have no idea where I got from.
I have tried 20 years to control my panic but I just can't. Every time I think I have overcome my fear, and my trauma, something happens and I find myself back to square one.
No. I can't go through this again. Not again.
I can't lose myself again. Not when I have attained so much. Not when I am so close to achieving my dreams.
Not when I am happy.
What was my fault? I was 7.
No don't do this to me. I am 7.
"I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO. I am 7. I am a child. NO."
"Oh God, Ira!" How did he get in?
No, he too will hurt me. No.
"No," I shout.
"Okay." He whispers, stopping in his place. "Okay. I won't hurt you, Blossom, I promise. Please let me help you." Ahaan reaches a hand out to me.
"No. I am a child. Please don't hurt me. I didn't do anything wrong. I will be a good girl. I promise. Please don't hurt me. Please leave me." I sob squirming in my place. I don't know how long have I been crying but my eyes burn.
"I won't hurt you baby. I promise. Please let me help you." He walks towards me with slow calculated steps and hands up in the air. "I won't hurt you, Blossom." He reaches out to me and extends his hands out for me to take them. When I don't deny he embraces me in a comforting hug.
" No." I try to struggle out of the embrace.
What if he hurts me too? Everyone does. He can't be different.
"Hey. It's me. Ahaan. You are safe baby. No one will hurt you. I promise. There is no harm here." He firmly holds my forearms and looks into my eyes. "You are safe baby. I am right here. No one will hurt you." His voice, his touch, it's all so warm that I give in.
"They will hurt me Ahaan. They will come again." I cry out in his arms while he holds me tight.
"No one will ever hurt you again baby. I won't let them I promise." He whispers near my ear while rubbing a soothing circle on my back.
No one can protect me from them Ahaan. No one ever did.
.
.
.
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What do you think happened to Ira that led to this panic attack?
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YOU ARE READING
TO THE STARS THAT LISTEN
Romance"You know there is a reason I call you Blossom?" he says. "Yeah?" I ask. "Yeah." he meets my gaze and continues, "I picked it up from powerpuff girls. Ira, you are soo fucking independent and strong you probably don't even need me. Infact I think I...
