TO THE STARS THAT LISTEN

CHAPTER 29: What's this Feeling?

Double updates today. So don't forget to click the small star in the lower left corner of your screen. Enjoy!!

Ira

I wake up to a strong pair of arms wrapped around me and panick kicked in.

"Hey, it's me. Ahaan." He says in his gravelly voice, looking down at me and I stop struggling in his embrace. "It's me baby. You are safe. Don't worry." His one hand was wrapped around my waist, while the other pushed the loose hair stands on my face, behind my ear.

'You are safe?'

That's when it hit me. My panic attack.

I had a panic attack after I saw that girl at the hospital. How did I reach home?

Wait. Ansh couldn't drop me because he had to stay, so I took the metro. I don't know how I came from metro station to home. But I didn't see anyone after that. I think so. I just reached the room, locked it and sat in the corner. How did he get in then?

Did I open the door for him? No. Not possible. I have never let a man near me, why would I do that when I am panicking.

But I did, didn't I?

Ahaan, would never lay a finger on me without my permission. I have realised that in the past 4 months. He never touches me until we are in public. And even then, it's either holding hands or a hand on the small of my back.

And did I cry infront of him?

My eyes burn and I feel wet trail down my eyes.

OMG, I did.

I haven't cried infront of anyone in 20 years. Even when nani died, I locked myself inside my room to cry my heart out. One of the things she taught me was to never let anyone know your weak points and I never did. How could I loose now?

And did he soothe me?

OMG, I hugged him.

Yes. I hugged him, and he carried me to the bed an-and

And I sat on his lap.

Oh, God. Could this day be more embarassing?

"Hey" He breaks my trail of thoughts. "Do you want me to move away? I can if you are not comfor-"

"No."My voice is a muffled whisper against his shirt. "No. Please don't." I don't know what has gotten into me. This, cuddling, hugging, crying. I don't do it. I don't let anyone near me.

Then why him?

"Sorry." he whispers in my hair. "I know you don't like to be touched, but you were shivering and your body was burning I didn't know what to do, that's why I tucked you inside the blanket and had to hug you." His voice sounded guilty. Why does he feel guilty?

He couldn't hurt me. Not when he spent his time consoling and calming me. He didn't even care about his uniform which I stained with my tears. I couldn't even take xanax, my hands were shivering so badly. He calmed me without it. And that's never happened. I always need xanax to calm my nerves, but not tonight. He let me cry in his arms. He let me live my pain so that it could pass out of my system. That never happens. I always bottle up. That's the reason why I still couldn't overcome my childhood trauma, because it's etched in me.

"Please don't apologise. Infact, thankyou, for-for tonight." I look at him. My eyes still feel heavy and my body is covered in sweat. I tuck my head under his chin again.

"You don't need to thank me. You are my wife." What? I look into his eyes again and realisation hits them. "I-I mean, officially you are my wife and-and I promised to take care of you in our vows and I'm not one of those who promise and forget." Oh, like that. Right.