Blackpink shorts

Diary (Rosé POV)

It's real ironic isn't it...how you can have so many people as your best friend but your nobody's best friend? Just a side option. Or how you can feel like you ruined or are ruining something for someone just by your existence? You don't vent to people cause you don't wanna be a bother. You don't cry because you don't like how having emotions feel incase you get caught and asked what's wrong. How one conversation with being left on read makes you feel like an asshole for saying something because you were getting worked up and angry. So you curl up at 1am by yourself and just try and figure out if your really doing something wrong or if your just a problem to people in general. Feelings just don't work for some people like they do for others and it hurts to not know how to feel things the correct way without being in the wrong.

I put down my pencil and shut my book, locking it and shoving it in the back of my desk. My brain is a mess right now and I don't know what to think. For the past two weeks it's been amazing some days and hell the others..

My sister would lash out at me over something stupid and I'd be angry as well as a reaction. I'd try to hang out with them when her girlfriend was around as I'd made good friends with her too.

She's like an older sister to me and I really love her as such. But she'd only get mad and lash at me for no reason. I'd be on my own doing something and she'd make a comment or say something rude just because. Or they'd be arguing because she was angry over something, probably to do with me.

Shed ask me a favour and Alice would just brush me away and say "I can do it I'm right here".

And on top of the pain of maybe being the cause of relationship squabbles comes the pain of my friends. I'd scroll through snap stories and see my name tagged in a cute little edit my friend had made. Only to find myself in a less important side handed roll of friendship. Or to not see my name at all. It's like I'm invisible.

But being invisible can't be so bad...right?

It hurts a ton yeah, but you get over it? Right?

And as long as you show nothing and say nothing nobody gets hurt...

It's not like anybody would understand anyway huh..everybody has close friends who they've known since kindergarten, or friends they made so fast in Highschool they knew everything about each other. Or they have cliques and friend groups that work out great.

That's not for me I guess. Maybe I'm just meant to be a problem and a nuisance. Meant to stay away from everybody unless I'm needed for emotional support or a good grade.

But fuck it right? At least im needed sometimes yeah?

Sometimes works for me...