Blackpink shorts

Insecure Days

Today would've been just another normal day for me and Jennie, wake up, snuggle, eat breakfast together, do god only knows whatever together. That is if I didn't wake up feeling completely awful... I woke up with the first thoughts of this voice in the back of my head, 'You're not good enough' 'She doesn't really love you 'you're a charity case manoban' 

I knew it wasn't real but I couldn't help but listen to it. 'Fat' 'Ugly' 'Dumpy gorilla' All of it replayed in my head as I lay awake at 7:24 am staring at Jennie. She was beautiful in the mornings regardless of her messy hair. Played out across the pillow and arms thrown hazardously around the bed. I smiled a little at her sleeping face and gently moved some hair around to get a better view, only to have her stir making me shut my eyes in an instant to hide the sad glints filling them.

 "Lili? I know you're awake silly" She giggled. haha, I love her giggle so cute and precious just like her.. unlike me who can't even give her good looks and only embarrass her in public...

I opened my eyes slowly throwing her a small shy smile, having her return it with a beautiful gummy one. she hugged me pulling me to her chest and sat up after a minute "Breakfast?" She asked looking over at me.

I just shook my head, shrugging off her worried look "I'm just not hungry this morning Nini, don't worry" The lie came easy. I've been doing this for months now. After she leaves I throw on some baggy clothes from her closet and head to the indoor gym. I put on my headphones and played some Blackpink, my favorite artists. they always bring up my mood a little. I worked out hard not even sure how many hours I'd been in here until Jennie came in and forced me off the treadmill 10 minutes ago

She threw me another worried look as she forced me to eat some pancakes. Which I've been refusing for another 5 minutes now saying again how I wasn't hungry. Even though it was obvious she wasn't buying my story. "Lisa you need to eat, it's not healthy to work out for 4 freaking hours before you've even drunk any water let alone ate anything!" She scolded. I just looked at the plate of food blankly, the same words from this morning swirling around in my head.

"Nini I'm really not hungry right no-" She glared at me "Don't gimme that Lalisa, I can hear your stomach growling now eat, what's wrong with you this month babe? you're not acting like you" She asked worried, I didn't give her an answer, like usual she threw me a stern glare and a worried look before bringing a forkful to my lips and forcing me to eat it "You're getting too thin Lis, I can see your ribs and more than normal. That's not healthy" I just did as I was instructed and ate the food, forcing myself to swallow it attempting to keep my tears at bay as the voices crawled their way from the back of my mind to my ears

'Pig'

'Ugly'

'Plus-sized'

They all came rushing in the minute I swallowed that damned pancake and my tears wouldn't hold back this time. I broke down right in front of Jennie, no matter how much I tried to stop them they kept coming. Not holding up for even a second.

"Omg Lili what's the matter, oh I knew something was wrong" She panicked, wrapping me in a tight hug pulling me against her chest "I-I'm s-so-o s-so-sorr-y j-jee-en-ni-e"

I apologized sobbing, I couldn't take it anymore "I-im so-sorry im such a d-disa-appoint-tment t-to y-ou, I'm s-sorry I'm ugly an-and fat a-and I squish you when we cuddle" I was sobbing harder with each second that went by. All she did was comfort me, telling me nothing I was saying was true.

After a while, my sobs calmed down and Jennie took me back to our room and laid me down on top of her, despite my rejection still believing I would squish her like a fat potato, she held me against her and just comforted me. "Lisa? Baby, you are nothing you ever just said you are. You are a beautiful girl baby. And kind and smart and if anything a skinny legend" She said wiggling my hips a little.

After the next hour of compliments, I felt the voices slowly fading for the first time, and Jennie's voice was put in their place. Her beautiful, sultry, calming voice. Making me fall asleep to the soothing feeling of her hand running through my hair and for the first time in the last month, I wasn't feeling insecure, no voices, no negative thoughts, nothing. 

Just the soothing voice of my girlfriend singing me to sleep. 

I guess I could say that I wouldn't be having any more Insecure Days after today with Jennie now knowing how I've been feeling, because for the rest of the week until I told her to dial it down a bit at least, she treated me like a princess, a china doll, something and someone that actually deserves to be cherished and loved and handled with care and love. 

I Love my Nini and I know shell never let me feel like that ever again.

Another small chapter for you guys, sorry I'm not updating as much these days, school is a real-time and energy killer, I really hate high school ya'll it really sucks and it's only 9th grade I can't even imagine how bad the next 3 will be *cries in Blackpink*