★𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒔 𝑭𝒍𝒚 ༄ 𝑲𝒂𝒛 𝑩𝒓𝒆𝒌𝒌𝒆𝒓★

16: Slumber

"Steal the warm wind, tired friend
Times are gone
For honest men"
-Soundgarden-

Jesper was curious like a cat.

And like a cat, he managed to worm an explanation from me.

I told him how I was a Kübrik, and what it meant I could do. I told him no more.

And then I hounded him, explaining why it was a curse and I was an idiot for using it.

Jesper laughed.

"You bring out something in Kaz I've never seen in all my years of knowing the grouch," he mused, gazing into the fire.

The sun had set, Kaz and Inej resting in the barn.

"I'm not sure what it is; passion? Kindness? Sympathy?" continued Jesper. "Whatever it is, it's terribly uncharacteristic of him. That is, it would be; had you not come along,"

I smiled. "You flatter me,"

"I am revered for my charm," Jesper replied smugly.

"So what about you, Jesper Fahey? What is your past- your secret," I rested my elbows on my knees, squinting at him. "After all, this is give and take."

Jesper laughed, shaking his head. "This isn't a slumber party,"

I arched my brow. "What the hells that?"

"A... party where you go to sleep," Jesper answered, perturbed. "I can't believe..."

"Okay, we're getting off topic." I leant back. "Not getting away w'that."

"I'm from Novyi Zem. Grew up on a Jurda farm," Jesper replied, staring up into the heavens. "Lived a life, and now I live a new one."

I tilted my head to the side. "Is that all, though? How does a farm boy become the best gunslinger traversing this plain?"

Jesper grinned. "The best?"

"I've never seen you miss a shot." I remarked. "And I heard that the Zemeni do not perceive Grisha negatively,"

Jesper furrowed his brow. "Ada, I, uh," he cleared his throat with a smile. "I'm tired, you know, might just hit that hay."

He stood, backing away. "I'll see you in the morning, huh?"

I frowned. "All right. Sleep well."

The night was cold. I couldn't sleep. I sat, tending the fire.

It served little warmth as I extended my palms to it.

I hummed an old lullaby of plague. The lyrics were haunting; grim like ghosts and sharp like swords.

Yet, these were the words children sang to each other when the sun glazed high in the sky, when they had not a worry in the world.

I couldn't quite understand why a single salty fell from my eye, trailing a path down my cold-bitten cheeks.

I rapped my arms around my legs, my chin resting upon my knees as I gazed into the orange blaze.

There was no quiet lull inside begging me to close my eyes.

I was a live wire.

I examined my hands, the energy I had been choking.

Was it dangerous to use it? Was I a fool for telling Jesper and Kaz?

And Inej, could I tell her?

The thoughts began to race before I could quench them.

"Can't sleep?"

I was back in the present moment. I looked to Kaz. "No, you?"

He shook his head. "I was also wondering who was keeping watch."

I twiddled my finger toward myself. "I guess that would be me,"

"You need to sleep, you know," Kaz sighed, sitting next to me.

"I'm not tired."

Kaz examined my face. "It's the Kügelblitz, isn't it? It won't let you rest."

I massaged my eyes, knowing all he spoke was truth. "I don't know how to control it. And I have no idea how to learn,"

"Trial and error?" offered Kaz. "Keep using it."

"But what if it puts us in danger?"

"Has it done that yet?" he asked, meeting my gaze.

"No," I said.

"Then keep using it. It may be more handy than you think," Kaz slipped his hand into mine.

"Maybe..." I muttered. "Or maybe it will be a pain in the ass, attract unwanted attention,"

A weak smile spread across Kaz's lips. "Then so be it."